I Dated A Tantric Masseur & It Was An Amazing Experience

I’ve dated some interesting people in my life, but one of the most influential connections I had was with a tantric masseur. Tantric sexuality has become more and more popular in the last few years as people are once again drawn to the age-old idea of mixing sexuality and spirituality—and my own sacred sex encounter was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

1. It started with a lot of sensual touch. We met at a cuddle party, so straight off the bat we were sharing intimacy and sensual touch in a way that most people don’t reach until well after they start dating. This continued throughout the course of our time together, along with plenty of physical and sensual exploration.
2. We developed a “conscious friends-with-benefits” arrangement. We weren’t really matched as a romantic couple and both of us had other partners, but we ended up becoming what I’d call “conscious friends-with-benefits.” When we met, it was pretty much for the sole purpose of having sex, but we always approached it from a very meditative perspective. We explored sexuality in a way that felt like self-development rather than hedonistic indulgence.
3. He gave me a tantric massage on our first date. I’d never had a tantric massage before and was both nervous and excited when he offered to massage my yoni, the sacred name for the vulva in Tantra. It was simultaneously relaxing and confronting and it was a huge jump forward in intimacy. He spent half an hour gently caressing my vagina with massage oils. I felt so deeply worshiped and respected and that set the tone for the rest of our encounters.
4. Our first time was completely unique. The first time we had sex was unlike any other first-time experience I’ve ever had. We went very slowly and it was clear that he was only interested in doing things that I gave enthusiastic consent to. I never got the feeling that he just wanted to get laid—quite the opposite. I almost had to convince him to sleep with me because he was so careful of respecting any boundaries I might have had.
5. He thought about sex in a totally different way to other guys I’d dated. I’d never met anyone who thought as much about sex as he did, in the way that he did. He was obsessed with sexuality as a tool for healing, self-development, and spirituality. He never came across as creepy or as having ulterior motives. He genuinely believed in the philosophy of tantra and it was eye-opening for me to meet a man like that.
6. We explored the philosophy of sex together. Because sexuality was such a huge topic for him, I learned a lot about my own sexuality through our connection. He was particularly interested in consent and communication and we would practice games and exercises in bed together based on these topics. During my time with him, I explored different sexual practices like orgasmic meditation and self-love through masturbation. Dating him was the catalyst to my sexual awakening.
7. Everything moved at a slower pace. There was never any rush. We moved at exactly the pace that felt right for both of us and took time to be fully present with each other. We focused much more on the sensual experience of sex than on reaching orgasm. It taught me a lot about letting go of any goals and instead, simply enjoying the moment.
8. There was a lot of talking involved. We made it a point not to develop any assumptions about each other or ourselves, and for that reason, there was always a lot of verbal communication. The first time we had sex and many times thereafter, he would ask me before every new touch whether I wanted it. Before kissing, taking off my shirt, touching my breasts, he would establish verbal consent. I always felt safe communicating my needs to him and hearing his in return.
9. I learned so much about my own body. Before meeting him, I’d had huge hangups about expressing my desires to the point that I didn’t even know how to get in touch with what I wanted sexually. Throughout our time together, and by practicing some of the exercises around consent and communication, I finally developed a connection with my body. For the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted in the bedroom and it completely transformed my sex life.
10. I discovered entirely new ways of relating to sexuality. I’d never had a friends-with-benefits situation before and I’m so glad I experienced that dynamic with such a conscious and respectful man. Our time together taught me so much about sexuality, outside of the mainstream portrayals that I’d previously encountered. I discovered the joys of my own desires, the importance of open communication, and the unrivaled pleasure of taking it slow.