Every couple goes through rough patches, which is why solid communication is so vital — without it, you’ll never make it through to the good side again. Nothing should be off-limits when it comes to what you discuss with your partner, so if you can’t talk to him about these things, you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
1. How you really feel about his friends and family
Not that you should be bashing all his friends as soon as they’re out of earshot or anything, but if he’s expecting you to be besties with all his buddies and you just aren’t feeling it with a couple of them, it’s okay to say so. Just be prepared that he might not be your college roommate’s biggest fan either.
2. Your career goals
Your job is a big part of your life, and you should be able to talk about that with the guy you’re dating. He should support you when there are setbacks and encourage you to keep following your dreams, and you should do the same for him. How can you support each other if you can’t even talk about what’s going on at work — the good and the bad?
3. Small, everyday annoyances
Does he always throw his wet towel on your freshly made bed? Does it seem like no one ever taught him to put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder? These things aren’t exactly dealbreakers for your relationship, but they’re still kind of annoying. You should be able to mention this stuff without feeling like you’re being a naggy mother figure. It’s all in the delivery.
4. Where you see your relationship going
For a relationship to work, both people need to want it to work. That means talking honestly about what you want, even if it means bringing up uncomfortable topics. There’s no point in being with someone who doesn’t want what you want, and the best way to figure that out is to talk about it.
5. Your finances
Early on in a relationship, you most likely keep your bank account balance to yourself. But as time goes on, you’ll start to learn more about each other’s spending habits. If you decide to move in together, it’s important to know what you’re getting yourself into. If you can’t talk to each other about bills in the good times, what will happen if you have a financial crisis? You don’t want to be one of the many couples that break up over money (which, according to this law firm is between 20 and 40 percent).
6. Your past and how it has affected you
Everyone has baggage, whether it’s past relationships that left you a little damaged, family issues that you can’t seem to overcome, or health problems that are still affecting you now. You owe it to your partner (and yourself) to be honest about the things that have made you who you are because if you can’t talk to the person you love about that stuff, who can you talk to?
7. Your bad day
Sometimes you just need to vent about your horrible work frenemy or how much your sister frustrates you. You don’t want him to think you’re awful mood is because of something he did, because that’s a slippery slope.
8. The things you’re afraid of
Sometimes it helps to talk about your fears out loud. If you’re afraid of commitment, the right guy could help you get over that. If you’re terrified of heights, he’ll understand when you don’t want to go skydiving with him. Whatever it is, it’s part of who you are — and if he cares about you, he’ll want to know about it.
9. How to resolve arguments
Every couple fights — it’s how you resolve those fights that really matters. If you can’t talk to him about why you’re angry, then you can’t expect him to know. If he brushes off your anger, eventually it’s going to build up and be a lot worse than it needed to be.
