After three years of dating, my boyfriend left me for a girl who he said would be “easier” to date. It only took a month for him to come crawling back to me, having realized that I was the best he could ever hope to get. Here’s why dating me was so much better than dating someone low maintenance.
- I knew what I wanted out of the relationship. There’s something very reassuring about having a partner who knows what they want but my boyfriend didn’t seem to realize that until after he left me. I was always clear about what I needed and wanted during our relationship, and he always said it put him under too much pressure. After we’d broken up, he realized how important it is to have a partner who knows her own mind and won’t settle for a less than ideal relationship.
- By asking for more, I made him a better person. I expect a lot out of my partners. If they’re truly in love with me, I deserve to have them at their very best. I don’t put up with laziness or complacency from my partner or myself. High standards are what keep a relationship moving forward. This brought out the best in my boyfriend and it wasn’t until we broke up that he realized he didn’t like himself as much when he wasn’t held to a high standard.
- He realized he didn’t want to be with someone whose life revolved around him. My boyfriend thought he wanted a girl who was “less high maintenance,” which really meant that he wanted someone who didn’t ask anything of him. But what he discovered was that dating someone who only wanted to please him and had no self-respect was actually a lot less fun and rewarding than being with someone who had their own opinions and values.
- I made him invest in our relationship which made it stronger. When you expect a lot out of someone, you make them rise to the occasion. Our relationship was strong because I didn’t let either of us compromise and it wasn’t until he started dating someone with lower standards that he realized that the expectations I put on the relationship made it worthwhile.
- He wanted someone he could depend on. You’d think that dating someone who goes out of their way to make sure you’re not having to work too hard for the relationship would be great but you’d be wrong. In fact, dating someone with so little self-respect usually means that they’re flaky and insecure about everything, and definitely not reliable.
- Honesty can be tough to hear sometimes but it’s crucial to a healthy relationship. Conflict has never been something I shy away from. I don’t have time to let resentment build or to pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. Sometimes hard truths can hurt but in the end, as my boyfriend learned, calling each other out on our crap what makes a relationship strong. Staying silent just to avoid a fight is what kills it.
- He wanted someone with a fully formed personality. Dating someone “low maintenance” almost invariably means dating someone with low self-esteem who will do anything to avoid rocking the boat and is therefore not really an equal partner. My boyfriend discovered this a little too late.
- He didn’t want someone who gave in to his worst tendencies. I always expect the best from people, especially my partners. While high expectations can be a lot to live up to, they make you a better person. When my boyfriend started dating someone else who didn’t expect anything from him, he started to slide back into old habits that he thought would make him happy but ultimately made him extremely depressed.
- I cared about the relationship. For me, being in a relationship is all about love and commitment and making each other better people and it can be difficult to find partners with the same approach. My boyfriend discovered this the hard way when he started dating someone who had such low expectations of relationships that he wasn’t called upon to make any effort. I cared about our relationship, and it wasn’t until he left that he realized how lucky he’d been to have me.
- He thinks the grass is always greener and I know better. My boyfriend was desperate to have me back after only a month or two with his new girlfriend. When he was with me, he wanted something “easier,” but when he got what he thought he wanted, he realized just how amazing our relationship had actually been. He begged me to take him back, but I learned a few things after we broke up too. I’m way out of his league. He missed his chance.
