Believing These 15 Relationship Myths Could Keep You From Finding Love

Dating has never been more difficult, and old school relationship rules no longer apply. If you’re like me, you may have fallen for certain myths about love and relationships in the past. The most common ones out there are also the worst ones to fall for, and believing in any of these could actually be keeping you from finding real, lasting love.

1. You can change a guy. You should never, ever go into a relationship with a guy thinking you can change him, nor should you stay in a relationship hoping that he’ll suddenly turn a new leaf. If he started off the relationship being a rude jackass, he’s going to stay a rude jackass for as long as he’s with you. No amount of coaxing, begging, or cajoling will make a guy change his most basic attitudes and behavior.
2. Having sex early is bad. It’s human nature to want to have sex, and there’s no specific amount of time you have to wait before it’s suddenly going to be “OK.” Besides, do you really want to wait to have sex, only to find out that that you’re sexually incompatible?
3. Girls shouldn’t pursue guys. Though this can be a turn-off for a small portion of guys, most men actually enjoy a girl who will make her intentions known quickly. The right moves can take a lot of pressure and fear off the shoulders of the guy. This is especially true if you’re dealing with guys who are very shy or relatively inexperienced.
4. Don’t go to bed angry. This is, by far, the absolute worst advice that you can give a couple. Instead of giving each other time to cool off, this advice is basically telling you that you should duke it out until one of you gives in. This kind of advice can either cause all night screaming matches, make you avoid confrontation altogether, and cause you both to lose sleep needlessly.
5. Love heals all wounds. As much as I hate to say it, love can only do so much. You can’t fix your partner’s wounds completely. While you can definitely be there for him while he sorts stuff out, the ultimate responsibility for your partner’s happiness and ability to overcome obstacles lies squarely on him.
6. A baby will fix things. Do not, I repeat, do not bring a third life into your relationship in hopes that the chaos and problems in your current situation will fade away. Having a baby has been proven to be a bigger source of stress to couples than the death of a family meber, divorce, or foreclosure. You have a greater chance of breaking up after a baby than you do of keeping a marriage or relationship together.
7. You can compromise on kids. No, you can’t. You can only have one or more kids or no kids at all. There’s no middle ground. You can’t have 1/2 of a child. Plus either giving up your dream to have kids or giving into his will surely lead to a breakup (and probably a messed up kid).
8. You shouldn’t have to tell him what’s wrong. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that you need to communicate well with your partner in order to keep your relationship afloat. You need to tell your partner what you want, what you like, and what you feel needs to be addressed. He’s not a mind reader, so don’t expect him to be.
9. Women like jerks. Ever notice how the people who believe this are usually single, and are usually the most misogynistic people in a room? They never seem to realize that women hate them because of the fact that they tend to act like creepy, entitled loser.
10. You should never argue. A couple that doesn’t argue once in a blue moon is usually like that because they’re actually petrified of confrontation. Arguments alone don’t mean that the relationship is necessarily unhealthy. It’s only when arguments spiral out of control that it’s a sign for concern.
11. She stole my boyfriend. Unless you’re this guy, your boyfriend or spouse is not an inanimate object that can be stolen. A person who ‘steals’ your lover may be partly to blame, but the fact is that he willingly had to go with her in order to be stolen. In other words, he allowed it to happen and chose her over you.
12. You can make him stay. There have been some pretty desperate, effed up ways that people have tried to coerce partners into staying with them. The fact is that even if you physically bind him up, you can’t force them to like you or love you. If anything, forcing it will make him resent you. Don’t be that person. Let him leave and find someone who actually wants to be there.
13. Love is sacrifice. Though occasional sacrifices and compromises need to be made to make a relationship work, love in itself is not sacrificing. Sacrificing too much often builds resentment, and that’s not healthy for either party involved.
14. You shouldn’t have to work on a relationship. So, all the work should be left on the shoulders of your partner? Thinking in this selfish way is a good way to breed resentment, or just give people the idea that you aren’t really interested in him. Relationships, no matter how good, will always require a little bit of elbow grease. It shouldn’t be an uphill battle, but it shouldn’t be your partner that does all the work, either.
15. If you give, he’ll give more. One thing I’ve noticed in my years of dating is that most men will not offer reciprocity if you shower them with love, gifts, and affection. If anything, they’ll take it for granted. Never give them more than you get from them.