If You Ask Me, Pillow Talk Is Way Better Than The Actual Sex

Whoever thinks pillow talk is boring needs a reality check. You might think that sex is what forms the ultimate connection, but I’m here to argue that it’s the period AFTER sex that makes the real sparks fly. Pillow talk is what makes a couple fall in love, not sex. Here’s why:

  1. You feel comfortable enough to say pretty much anything. You’ve just given each other your body, now it’s time to give each other your mind. Usually, you would feel too shy or embarrassed to bring up certain subjects that are a bit personal or touchy, such as your past relationships, breakups, family, childhood, etc. But, after a good sex session, everything seems to be on the table and you’ve never felt freer to say literally anything that’s on your mind.
  2. It’s when you learn the most about your partner. During pillow talk is when the secrets come out. That thing you were afraid to bring up during your first few dates just comes pouring out of your mouth — and what’s more, you have no shame about it. This is the time when you discover things about your partner that can change the course of your relationship forever. It bonds you in ways that sex never can.
  3. You feel all the good feelings at once. You feel happy, loved, protected, uninhibited, excited, euphoric and free. You might as well be dancing around in a goddamn meadow right now because that’s what it feels like when you’re in the arms of your lover after sex. With all of these feel-good hormones pumping through your body, you’ve never felt so generally content in your whole life.
  4. You feel truly loved and cared for. You’ll never feel more loved and accepted than you do during the afterglow. You’ve just shared this amazingly intimate experience and now you’re incorporating it into your day by taking a moment of unconditional love and understanding with each other. Just seeing the look on your partner’s face as they stroke your hair in admiration is enough to know how loved and adored you are in that moment and there is no better feeling in this entire world. 
  5. You can go really deep. I mean intellectually this time… Post-sex conversation is usually of the philosophical nature and it’s always super deep. Pillow talk is a chance to think about the big questions in life. Who knows why these topics tend to come up, but they’re always the most exciting things to talk about.
  6. Spooning feels amazing. Can we all just admit that spooning is better than sex? You feel so secure and loved by your partner in that moment after you’ve had sex and you’re just “being” with each other. The gratitude you have for each other is basically pouring out of your pores at that point.
  7. Gazing deep into each other’s eyes is cheesy but kinda great. Eye gazing doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s usually after sex. You might have looked into each other’s eyes by accident one time and noticed that it felt really good and calming. That’s because you’re cultivating trust in each other and that can only really happen when both parties are ready for it. This is why it almost always happens during pillow talk.
  8. You can talk about sex without feeling weird about it. Maybe there’s something you’ve been wanting to try sexually or maybe you’ve been shy to admit something about your body or the way your partner touches it. Whether it’s positive or negative, you feel totally uninhibited to let your partner know what’s up with you down there and it’s not awkward at all!
  9. You have each other’s undivided attention. During pillow talk, there’s nothing else to really focus on but each other. You’re both fully taking in the moment and in a mode of full acceptance. Think about another time in your relationship when this actually happens — pretty much never, am I right? This moment is sacred and it almost feels like it’s suspended in time. This is your chance to say things like “I love you,” “You’re amazing,” or “I want you to clean the sink later” and your partner will actually hear it.
  10. The connection you experience during pillow talk is deeper than sex. How often are you actually relaxed and just enjoying the moment during sex? Almost never, I’m sure. You’re probably in your head, wondering if you look okay, trying to clear your mind so you can orgasm properly, wondering if you’re too loud… there’s actually A LOT to worry about. Although sex is ridiculously fun, it’s not exactly conducive to forming a connection with someone. You’re half in your head, half in your body, especially if you’re a chronic “fantasizer,” and it’s often very hard to trust and let go. During pillow talk, however, there’s no pressure, just space to be yourself and form a deeper connection with your partner. Some would even call it “ultimate.”
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.
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