Working up the nerve to ask someone to be official with you can take a lot of guts. No matter what you do, this will always be a daunting question to ask. But there are a few tips you can follow to make the experience slightly less stressful, and increase your chances of getting a response you’re happy with! Here’s how to ask a guy to be your boyfriend without it being awkward.
- Make sure you’re ready for long-term commitment. Before you ask someone to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, make sure you know what you’re asking for. Everyone defines their relationship in a different way. But the majority of people see labels like boyfriend and girlfriend as an indication of long-term commitment. If you don’t really want a future with this person, reconsider asking them this question in the first place.
- Pay attention to his cues. If you pay attention to the signs that your love interest is putting out, it’s easier to predict his response. And you’ll know whether it really is the right time/right thing to ask. For example, if he hasn’t been responding to your messages, it might be a sign that he’s not ready/wanting to move to the next stage with you.
- Pick the right time. It can be really intimidating asking someone to be your boyfriend, so don’t make it harder for yourself by picking the wrong time to ask. For example, if you’ve just had a fight and tensions are running high, choose another time. If he’s going through a stressful period with work, family, health, or anything else, he might also not be in the right frame of mind to consider your question properly.
- Pick the right setting. In addition to picking the right time, pick the right setting. In most cases, it’s better to have this conversation in person rather than over the phone. Do it when you’re alone rather than in a group setting. If you want to do it in a public place, choose somewhere quiet. Choose somewhere you two can talk clearly without interruptions. For instance, don’t have an important conversation like this at a bar where you can barely hear each other.
- Casually slip it into the conversation. Take some of the pressure off by keeping things casual. At the end of the day, you don’t have to extend a formal invitation. You could say plainly and honestly that you’d like to be official … or you could approach it more subtly. That way, there’s less chance of him freaking out. You could say something like, “We’re pretty much acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, don’t you think?” Or, “It was getting too difficult to refer to you as ‘the guy I’ve been dating for a while’ so the other day with my friends, I just referred to you as my boyfriend. Is that okay?”
- Be honest about how you feel. Don’t be afraid to open up about how you feel. That especially applies if you’re officially asking in a more formal way. Tell him that you’ve recently been feeling closer to him and you want him to stay in your life. If this person is going to be your partner, you’re going to have to be vulnerable at some point. It can be really scary to do this, but it can also be liberating and relieving to get those feelings off your chest.
- Remember that you’re not getting married. It is a big step to go from just dating to officially a couple. But at the same time, don’t freak him or yourself out more than you need to. It’s not a marriage and you’re not locked into a contract. Mention that you’d like him to be your boyfriend and you’d like to see how things go as you take that road together. Don’t give him the impression that you’re not interested in a long-term relationship, because you’ve already established you are. Set your intentions that you’ll be together indefinitely. But also be clear that, although you’re making a commitment, neither of you is locked in if you don’t end up being happy.
- Make your expectations clear. At the same time, make your expectations clear. Work out what type of relationship you want. Although you’ll probably do this together, it’s helpful to think in advance about your needs. Will you be exclusive? And will you put your new status on social media? Will you immediately start spending more time together? Make your expectations clear. While neither of you is locked in, there should still be boundaries established for you both to follow while you are together.
- Remember that nothing major has to change. Your lives don’t have to change drastically because you’re officially a couple. If he seems overwhelmed, remind him of this. If he’s already acting like your boyfriend in most ways, make that clear so he doesn’t feel like he’s taking on a new full-time job. Highlight what you love about your bond already, and also what you’d like to change, such as labels or exclusivity.
- Give him time to think about it. In many cases, you’ll have an answer straight away. But sometimes, a guy will need time to think about what he wants to do. And he has a right to that time! Don’t pressure him for an answer and let him think about it until he’s ready.
- Don’t freak out if you’re rejected. Unfortunately, you might not get the answer you were hoping for. That doesn’t always mean that there’s no hope for the future. It could be that he’s just not ready for labels, but he wants to keep seeing you. If that’s the case, you can talk about dating for another set period of time. You could then reassess the labels after however many weeks or months. Remember that he’s not obligated to be your boyfriend. If it’s a no because he just doesn’t feel the same way, that sucks. But you will be okay! Look out for his cues to get an idea of what he’s going to say. And always prepare yourself in case you don’t hear what you’d like to.
