It’s not uncommon for women to jump into bed on the first date, and while we totally deserve to get our rocks off just as much as the guys we’re with, there’s a sexual economy we are contributing to every time we participate in this pattern. Making him wait may just work out better for us in the long run, especially if we actually want a real relationship — here’s why:
- Waiting is the best foreplay. Who wants dessert before they’ve sampled the first course? Sure, sex still holds the possibility of being good early on, but it’s so much better when there is buildup, chemistry, and connection. You know that sexual tension in the air when you two are together? Savor that before you go for the main event.
- He may drop you like a hot potato. We all know the story — he feeds you every line in the book, gets you into bed… and then disappears. Who wants to engage in such an intimate act with someone who’s just going to use you and then bail? There’s no guarantee that making him wait will help him stick around after the deal is sealed, but it does give you more of a chance to judge his character and know what he’s after.
- Self-control is underrated. Waiting to have sex is a true test of a man’s willpower and character. If he can hold out for the right time, it showcases his ability to think clearly and proves that he’s patient and not desperate for a quick lay. By witnessing this, you’re previewing how he’ll be in a potential relationship with you.
- You won’t confuse chemicals with love. Once you have sex, it’s no longer you in the driver seat, but a chemical reaction in your brain. A cocktail of hormones like Oxytocin, Vasopressin, and Dopamine are released during orgasm; this is where those deep feelings of attachment, excitement, and exhilaration come in. Your brain is essentially programming you to fall in love with the person you have sex with. Relationships are hard enough without the added confusion of your mind playing tricks on you.
- You know what he’s willing to pay. By putting a higher sexual price tag on yourself, you’re commanding more attention and commitment than if you hopped right into bed. Making him wait makes it much easier to weed out potential duds — most guys that just want sex won’t go out of their way to court you. Increase your chances of a quality relationship by attracting guys that are willing to go the distance to win your goodies.
- Emotional bonds are better. Sure, creating a sexual bond is awesome, but there are a zillion other ways to establish an intimate connection with your guy before getting it on. The more aspects of him that you’re into, the more deep and meaningful sex becomes. Slow things down and get to really KNOW each other first, then be wowed when the sparks fly between the sheets.
- Sex isn’t an audition. This may diverge from popular opinion, but sex isn’t the main event in a relationship. Chemistry is chemistry: if you have it outside the bedroom, it will likely be present between the sheets too. “Testing” each other out isn’t going to suddenly create a spark that wasn’t there. The spark comes from the relationship you experience outside the bedroom. If the mental connection isn’t there, it certainly won’t materialize while you’re getting it on.
- You don’t know his sexual past. Yeah, yeah, hookups are fun and spontaneous, but finding out you have an STD from a roll in the hay is anything but sexy. If you haven’t had conversations about your sexual histories, then maybe you shouldn’t be taking your pants off for him just yet. Make sure he cares about you enough to keep your best interests in mind, like using proper protection and talking candidly about his sexual past.
- It could be harder for you to get off. Sex is a vulnerable act, and its mechanics are much different for women than they are for men. While men are more visually stimulated during sex, women tend to be much more attached to the emotional end of it. It’s easier for a woman to orgasm when there’s security, vulnerability, and the knowledge that you’re both on the same page.
- Intimacy takes time. We live in a world where delayed gratification is pretty much obsolete. The notion that we can fast-forward deep and meaningful bonds by hopping into bed with a guy is cray. It takes weeks, months, and even years to build the sense of intimacy we desire. Opening yourself sexually doesn’t bypass the time needed to build trust, security, and care in a relationship.
