Always Have A Backup Plan Just In Case Your Relationship Doesn’t Work Out

Fewer things are worse than having the rug pulled out underneath you when you’re in what you think is a good relationship that either turns bad or ends abruptly. One thing that IS worse is when you have no backup plan in place, whether it’s mental, emotional, physical or financial. Here’s how you can be better prepared for the sudden end of a relationship:

1. Never combine your finances 100 percent — always have a nest egg. In a serious relationship, it’s natural and fair that you’d eventually share expenses, especially if you end up living together. However, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a slush fund on the side should things go poorly. If your S.O. has any qualms about it, you don’t even need to tell them what it’s for — call it your mad money or whatever you like. Just don’t let yourself become financially bereft because of an ending relationship.
2. Keep your network of supporters close. Whether you own a home or you’re just renting, you’re not always going to be the one keeping it should things go south. You may end up being pushed out, or you may end up just leaving voluntarily if you find it easier. Either way, having a plan for where you’re going to go is a necessity. Whether it’s with friends, old roommates, or even your parents, knowing you have a place to go is a good way to take the edge and uncertainty out of splitting.
3. Don’t be petty, but keep track of what’s yours. Some splits go as far as to wanting to saw the couch in half. If it was you who wanted the damn thing, paid for it, or financed it, fight for it. Don’t lose count of the things that you brought into the relationship whether physically, financially, or otherwise. There’s starting over and then there’s starting from scratch. You don’t deserve that or want the latter unless you’re in a situation where you need to GTFO fast.
4. On the flip side, keep in mind that stuff is just that — stuff. If you’re in a relationship that goes south quickly and you need to bail — or you’ve been bailed on — forget the semantics as well as your stuff. I’ve left relationships that went bad at the end with nothing in my possession besides the money in my pocket and a sack of clothes. It can get that bad in the blink of an eye and you need to be prepared to sever all attachments immediately. Sometimes it’s just easier that way.
5. Keep your emotions in check and have a good grasp on them. If you’re well-balanced in a good relationship, then you’re probably going to be well-balanced in one that doesn’t end so well. You’re going to need to rely on your own inner strength to get through the tough times, and practicing what you preach is key to navigating the rough waters of a disintegrating relationship.
6. Don’t be of the mind that you need a rebound. Many people, men and women alike, feel compelled to rebound immediately after the crap hits the fan. While it might be fun in the short-term, it’s just going to complicate things down the road. Part of your backup plan should be to not have a backup plan in a potential dating partner. You need to clear your mind, not distract yourself from clarity and drown your sorrows in someone else’s mess.
7. Have a project that you can immerse yourself in if need be. As long as it’s not another person, there’s nothing wrong with having something that you’re passionate about to distract you from rebuilding your life. Whether it’s painting, reading, or binge watching an old show on Netflix or Amazon, have something that you’re passionate about aside from your former S.O. so there’s something to fall back on with regards to how you’re going to fill your time.
8. Don’t rule out a complete life overhaul. Going to the same old coffee shop that you frequented together dredging up old memories? Change your spot. Change your route. Change everything if you need to — change happened whether you wanted it or not, and the best way to acclimate to it is to keep pushing through and being flexible enough to make the tweaks you need to feel comfortable with yourself and your new circumstance.
9. Give yourself time to heal. In near-contradiction to the previous two points, don’t become so preoccupied with distracting yourself that you’re burying your emotions in projects or places. If you need to cry, cry. So what if it happens at the drive-through at Wendy’s? You need to let yourself heal on your own time, and preparing yourself mentally before something happens and keeping your mental and emotional health in tip-top shape can benefit you in many aspects of your life — not just in the fallout of a relationship gone bad.
10. Know that whatever is to come, it’s in your hands. Oftentimes, we can feel totally bereft when we’re left or when we’re left making a decision to end something that we poured our hearts and souls into. Just as you got yourself into this relationship, you have the power to get out of it should you choose, and you also have the power to move on and do bigger and better things. People often lose themselves in relationships and have no concept of who they are when it ends, and maintaining a sense of self and self-preservation is paramount to anything. You’re gonna be okay on your own, but you have to believe it to see the results.