We’ve all had a few (or more than a few) bad boyfriends. Don’t beat yourself up about it; it happens to the best of us. The key thing is to learn from that experience and not put up with the same crap over and over again. But sometimes, when you’re so close to the situation, you can’t see it clearly. If you find yourself in a relationship where you just can’t tell if it’s worth fighting for, here are some tried and true signs that you ought to break things off, STAT:
- He calls you “too emotional.” This is a serious warning sign. Anyone who tries to minimize your emotional responses is at the very least inconsiderate, and at worst? Well, that kind of thing can get very controlling, very fast. It teaches you to not trust your instincts. If he does this, pack up your emotions and move on out of his life.
- He doesn’t fight fair. This could tie into the “too emotional” accusation, but it really just means anything that comes out in a fight that isn’t cool. We all say things we regret in the heat of the moment, but if he’s commonly bringing up past issues that you’d agreed to put to bed? It’s an indication of how he’s going to fight for the rest of your relationship.
- He doesn’t give as much as he gets. If you find yourself doing the majority of the work in the relationship, that’s a good enough reason to walk away. If you’re scheduling all the dates, always coming up with ideas for fun things to do together, always canceling your plans to meet up with his? You’re doing too much giving, honey, and not enough getting.
- He won’t go down on you. Speaking of getting… okay, so everyone’s different and we all have our own sexual preferences and some women don’t even enjoy being eaten out. Cool, got that out of the way. But LISTEN. If he refuses to go down on you but expects you to give him blow jobs aplenty? Life is too short for that BS.
- All your friends hate him. Maybe your friends are better at hiding it or too polite to say so, but if there’s ever a point where you start to get the vibe that they can’t stand him? Don’t hide from that. Ask them to be honest with you, and if you’re getting the feedback that they all dislike him, consider that. One friend might be mistaken, but even two or three? That’s a sign that maybe he’s not the best dude in the world.
- He mocks you/the things you like. Making fun of your significant other is all good… until it’s not. If it ever feels like he’s crossing the line from poking fun to genuinely belittling you, that’s not something that’s worth sticking around for. If you can’t tell if it’s too far or just gentle teasing gone awry, listen to how it makes you feel. If you’re laughing with the group, but coming away from it feeling small? That’s mocking you.
- He doesn’t support your dreams. You may disagree on ideas for the future and that’s normal, but if he doesn’t get on board with your personal goals, that’s a dealbreaker and always should be. Just like you support your friends and family, you’ll want to support him, and that should be a two-way street.
- He’s jealous. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than jealousy. You may think it just means he’s passionate or protective, but there’s a difference. If he’s mad that you’re not dropping your guy friends just because you’re in a relationship, drop him instead. Seriously, it’s not worth dealing with the paranoia.
- You’re wondering more often than not if you should leave him. Do you keep any sort of journal? Try noting to yourself how often you’re considering dumping him. If it’s coming up frequently in your thoughts or discussions, that’s an excellent sign that your intuition already knows what to do. You just need to listen to your gut and follow it.
