We all have that one relationship in our lives that we just can’t seem to shake. Some months it’s over, others you’re inseparable. But we’ve all heard the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If you’re constantly on and off with the same guy, you’ll probably never work as a couple. When breakups happen more than once, there are fundamental factors that are working against the two of you. As hard as you may try, you’ll never be able to fit a square peg in a round hole. Avoid the temptation of reuniting with a former lover and use these as reminders to yourself to move forward.
- You can’t tell your friends you’re seeing him again. You’ve broken up and gotten back together more than Ross and Rachel and your friends have made it clear they can’t listen to your excited faux relationship drama anymore. The next time you give the union another whirl, you can’t even tell them. If you’re ever lying or purposely hiding something or someone from your best friends, it probably means it isn’t good for you and it’s a huge red flag that you should cut ties once and for all.
- You don’t bother making excuses for his behavior anymore. You know that he had a rough childhood or is vying for that big promotion at work, so you cut him way too much slack. You’ve rationalized his quasi-douchey behavior to yourself for so long and let him off the hook by telling yourself that it isn’t his fault or that it’ll get better. At some point, you’ll stop making excuses for his bad behavior, which is a sign that your mind and your heart are ready to move on.
- You’re used to being disappointed. You’re so used to being let down that things that should upset you just don’t anymore. You expect him to disappoint you because of his history of doing so, so you aren’t fazed when it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You know he’s going to bail on brunch or your date night because he always has and he always will. People rarely change. Once you’ve been disappointed to the point that you don’t even get upset about it, it’s time to break up once and for all!
- Even your breakups are routine. Did someone say déjà vu? It’s not the first time, but this means it should be the last! Usually a break up is the emotional equivalent to hell. There’s fire in your body and tears in your eyes. But you’ve done this same break up with this same person ad nauseum. Instead of having a depressive reaction to this relationship ending, you shrug your shoulders. If you aren’t having a visceral reaction to the breakup, the relationship isn’t worth attempting going back to in the future.
- You fantasize about dating other people. It may start with an unrealistic celebrity crush, but eventually you’re wondering if the guy in front of you in line at Starbucks is a good kisser. Consistently imagining yourself with other people is a clear sign from your subconscious telling you to get out and experience someone else. Out with the old and in with the new and stay away from the old, even if it doesn’t work out with the new!
- You’re jealous when your friends meet someone new. Not only are they living in the euphoria of having a new man in their lives, but they get to start with a blank slate. They don’t have old issues or arguments that continuously resurface because they don’t have any history with their new flame. Your past is literally preventing you from your future and if you don’t move away from it, you might stay stuck.
- You compare your relationship to an addiction. When you become obsessed with someone or consider yourself “addicted” to them, you’re not making a positive statement. Sure, it’s nice to be enamored with a guy, but addiction is defined as needing something and not being able to quit. Insert Brokeback Mountain infamous quote here. Addiction is inherently unhealthy, so create your own version of bad boyfriend rehab (e.g. girls nights out, wine, rom-coms and a new exercise routine) and get him out of your system for good.
- You feel like you’re in a running in circles. If you feel like you’re running on a hamster wheel, you probably are! Running in circles and going nowhere isn’t fun long-term and the longer you remain on the wheel, the harder it is to get off it. When you’re tempted to give your relationship one more shot, visualize yourself willingly getting back on that wheel before you decide to return.
- You finally realize you’re more than an option. Rarely do people break up and get back together more than once because they’re star –crossed lovers that are destined to be together. Sorry, but more likely than not, you’re not the modern day Romeo & Juliet. People keep coming back to each other when something else doesn’t work out or when they’re feeling lonely. Once you realize that you deserve more than being someone’s option who’s available when they need a little spoon or an ego boost, you’ll stop answering his texts fishing for you to come back.
