Intimacy is a beautiful thing, but sharing it with a guy you dig can be stressful AF. We often amp up the pressure in our heads and turn sex into a monster. Here are a few things you definitely shouldn’t care about while getting it on (or preparing to get it on) with your guy as well as the very few things you should.
- Pending work and chores Okay, so I’m going to use a Friends’ analogy here. As much as Monica loved to dust and scrub and organize, there wasn’t a moment when she wasn’t digging Chandler. So if a borderline OCD gal like her knew that chores could wait but getting intimate with a guy couldn’t, so should you. Forget the dirty dishes or the laundry. Put off that ultra-important presentation your boss offloaded on you—it can wait a few hours. Take care of your physical needs first and your hormones will thank you later by making you happier and less stressed.
- How out of shape you are/how “fat” you must look If you’re a curvy gal like me, the mirror is your worst enemy. Sometimes life hits you hard and the first thing to take a backseat is your fitness regime. So we all have our fats days, too-thin days, and oh-my-god-I-look-horrible days. There are days we’d much rather stay in bed, shove mint chocolate chip ice cream in our faces and feel sorry for ourselves. Sex? When we look so bad? No way! Well, yes way. That special guy in your life is into you and your body, not the number on the scale. While getting fit and healthy is great, it’s the way you carry yourself that he would find the sexiest. Make good use of those love handles while getting intimate with a guy—they won’t be there forever.
- Scars, stretch-marks, etc. Despite all my blabbering, it was difficult to see my sexy side after having two C-sections, but here’s the zinger. Despite those extra pounds staying on and stretch marks streaking all over my abs, I wanted sex. And despite my not-so-perky boobs and a C-section overhang, the sex was hotter. I still wanted him and he still wanted me right back, and that’s what intimacy is all about. There has to be love and lust in equal measures while getting intimate with a guy—your imperfections just add some spice.
- Stressing over your granny panty situation It doesn’t matter when it’s all going to come off anyway. It looks hot in the movies when femme fatales wear gravity-defying negligees to get in the mood, but real life is a bit more real! If you’re both horny AF, what you wear is moot. It’s going to come off anyway, and who says you can’t do a sexy strip show in serviceable cotton underwear?
- Wonder if his ex was better than you or if yours was better than him Getting with someone new or hooking up with a guy after a long time can be a mental landmine. If he’s bounced back to you after a relationship, you may wonder if his ex was better in bed than you. If you’re the one who’s moved on to someone new, thoughts of your ex may be plaguing him or even you for that matter. The thing about sex is that it is not rocket science. If there’s chemistry, respect (or love) and genuine desire, the sack will kindle up while getting intimate with a guy you like!
- Will you be able to hit the big O? Will he? As delightful as orgasms are, they’re not the be all, end all of sexual intimacy. It takes practice but not two to tango. You may not hit the big climax the first time, or even the second or third. It’ll take any couple a few tries before they give and get pleasure from each other, so when getting intimate with a guy, keep any thoughts of orgasms aside and enjoy the moment. Of course, I don’t mean to keep pleasuring a partner who only wants his pleasure, just remember that there will be some fumbling on the road to fulfillment.
- If moaning or making too much noise would be weird Go with the flow and be you. If you’re a moaner and are in the moment, go ahead and let loose. Talk dirty if you like or keep silent if that’s what hits your buttons. Don’t clam up if you’re loud or try and sound like a porno if that’s not your true style. Enjoy the feelings and air them as you like. He’ll be happier for that.
- Whether or not you’re clean/if you smell Yes, that should be a concern. While you couldn’t possibly smell flowery or fruity down there, you could and should smell clean and fresh. Make sure you wash regularly and keep your underwear fresh and clean as well. This goes without saying. Pubes need to kept trimmed or you can wax it all if you can withstand a Brazilian. Make sure you’re infection-free as well by doing your annuals with your gynecologist.
- Settling the rules about protection This is a MUST. The pill or the shot will stave off any pregnancies, but STD prevention needs the judicious use of a condom. If the guy doesn’t like condoms, well, he won’t get any from you, nor should he. Make sure you trust your guy and are in control of your senses.
- Whether or not you really want to do this And that is the most important question you need to ask yourself . While getting intimate with a guy, ask yourself, do you want to hook up? Or are you doing it under pressure? Is it to please the guy rather than to please you as a couple? Remember, your no means a no. It’s not an invitation for the guy to harass you, force you or otherwise influence you to end up in bed with him. That’s not intimacy, that’s rape and it is downright ugly. The flirting or dancing or smiling at him does not mean you are dangling yourself for his taking. It means you are exploring the relationship—and never let anyone tell you otherwise.
