Stopping mid-foreplay to grab a condom may be a hassle sometimes, but it is just something you have to do. We all try to rationalize why using one isn’t necessary this one time, but the fact is, it is always better to be safe than sorry. So, why is it that guys will try every trick in the book to avoid using a condom? If you have never heard any of these reasons to not wrap it before you tap it, count yourself lucky.
- “I don’t have one.” You mean you don’t have one until I’m about to roll over and go to sleep, then you’ll miraculously find one in the secret drawer of your bedside table.
- “Regular condoms don’t fit me.” I’m literally holding your penis right now, don’t lie to me. Besides, not that you need them, but ever hear of Magnums?
- “Oh don’t worry, I’m clean.” Ya, me too. I’m sure the girl you slept with last weekend said the same thing. Do you get checked for STDs weekly?
- “Aren’t you on the pill?” Yes, but it’s not a pill that blocks chlamydia.
- “Don’t you trust me?” The fact that you would even say that tells me that I really shouldn’t be trusting you.
- “I’ll pull out.” Didn’t you take sex-ed? All it takes is one sperm to make a baby.
- “You won’t get pregnant if you’re on top.” Is this a joke?
- “It’s just so much better without one.” Maybe. But do I really need to start Google image searching symptoms of STDs? Because that’s really going to kill the mood.
- “I can’t stay hard if I wear one.” That sounds like a problem that I can’t help you with.
- “They are so expensive.” Then you’re in luck! I carry a couple in my purse for times just like these. I got these ones for free at the walk in clinic, you should stop by there some time. Also, if you can’t afford a condom, you can’t afford a baby.
- “I’m allergic to latex.” This is 2015. There are condom brands for people who are allergic to latex. Oh, and by the way, I’m allergic to STDs and babies.
- “I’ll pay for the morning after pill.” Can you also take it for me, deal with any of the possible side effects, and worry for the next 3 weeks until you get your period? You can? Great, forget the condom then.
- “I’m pro-choice.” So you have already aborted our un-conceived baby? How about we just don’t put ourselves in a situation where we’d have to make that decision.
- “We could do it in the butt.” Just no.
- “But we’d make such cute babies.” RUN.
