There’s a ton of reasons to end a relationship — infidelity, emotional abuse, incompatibility — but sometimes it’s hard to see smaller reasons that are right in front of your face. Here are 15 red flags to keep an eye out for in your relationship:
- He doesn’t make you happy anymore. Life is far too short to stay in a relationship you aren’t happy in. Relationships change over time obviously, but if you no longer feel loved, safe or remotely excited to come home to him, it’s time to end it. Maybe he’s even making you doubt yourself, making you feel like you aren’t good enough. If your self-esteem is deteriorating because of him, leave. Declare your independence and pursue your own happiness… without him.
- You can’t trust him. Is he acting weirdly suspicious? Hiding messages? Changing the passcode on his phone? Interrogating you when you clearly have nothing to hide? If you answered yes to any of these, it’s probably time to dump him. Obviously he’s up to something, and his shady af behavior is causing you to question whether or not you can even trust him. Unless he’s trying to hide a surprise party or a marriage proposal — which is possible, but unlikely — his sketchy ass has got to go.
- He tries to control your every move. If he’s telling you who you can and can’t hang out with, that you can’t go certain places without him (or at all), what you are and aren’t allowed to do/wear/eat — run. Run as far away from this guy as you possibly can. Dump his ass right now. Love is not forceful. Trying to control your life is not “caring,” it’s possessive and unhealthy.
- He makes your life revolve around him. What even is “alone time“? He’s so far shoved up your ass that you can’t get away from him longer than the time it takes for you to shower. This is just another type of controlling behavior that you shouldn’t let anyone force upon you. Your life is yours to live how you so choose, and if he can’t deal with that then he’ll have to deal with goodbye.
- He constantly chooses his friends over you. It’s one thing for him to have a regular guys night once or twice a week, but if he’s literally always bailing on you to hang out with his friends (or he never invites you to spend time with them too), something isn’t right. A guy who wants you in his life will make you a priority. If he doesn’t, why would you want him in your life anyway? Spending time with friends is a must, but the kind of guy who doesn’t value time with you is a player.
- He doesn’t satisfy you sexually. This one is a no-brainer. Relationships shouldn’t be based solely around physicality, but physical compatibility is a must-have in a good relationship. Sometimes this is something that can be worked on and improved, so try to talk about it first like you would with any other problem. But if you’ve talked and tried to fix it and he still isn’t getting the job done, I’m sorry but it’s time to find someone who will.
- He makes you feel bad about yourself. Literally nothing is worse than the guy who destroys your self-confidence simply to keep you around. He wants to make you feel like crap about yourself so you don’t think you can find anyone better than him. But honestly, you can do so much better and he knows it — that’s why he’s going to such drastic measures to make you stay. Once you dump his scummy ass, you’ll see you’re worth so much more than you realized.
- He doesn’t listen/communicate well. Being bad at checking his texts isn’t a big deal, but failing to have an adult conversation about feelings and expectations of the relationship? Screw that. If he tunes out everything important you have to say or builds walls to keep you from what he’s feeling inside, he’s not worth the emotional turmoil. Make sure to yell loud enough when you tell him goodbye so he can hear you through that brick wall of his.
- He forces you to do things you aren’t comfortable with. This can start out as trivial things like going to a place you’re uncomfortable in or trying a new food, and eventually it could escalate into something much worse — think drugs or even sex acts. If you voice your discomfort and he ignores that, I think a “see ya never” text would suffice.
- He refuses to spend time with your friends/family. Your friends and family are basically an extension of you — they are a part of your life that means a lot to you, so of course you want your guy to love them too. Anyone who doesn’t have the intention of getting to know the other people in your life who matter to you, is someone who probably doesn’t have the intention of sticking around very long. Probably best to go ahead and cut it short if he doesn’t plan to stay long term anyway. No reason to waste your time on someone you know is only temporary.
- Animals don’t like him. Pets are great at reading people, way better than humans. They have this innate ability to sense when someone is untrustworthy, so don’t ignore their reactions to him, especially your own cat or dog. Cats can be fickle creatures, but if it’s acting strange around him compared to other new people you bring around, that’s a red flag. Same goes for dogs — they’re generally friendly to newcomers (unless they’ve been trained not to be), so pay attention to how they respond to him.
- He’s a man-child. There’s nothing more annoying than a guy who is old enough to be taking care of himself, but still acts like a child. You aren’t his mother, and you shouldn’t have to act like it. If you find that you’re acting more like a parent than a girlfriend, his pathetic ass needs to go back home to mommy until he can learn to grow up. Tell him to come back when he figures out how to wipe his own ass.
- He’s not good with/doesn’t like children. Sure, maybe he doesn’t want any kids. Maybe you don’t want kids either. But there is absolutely no reason to be mean to children, even if you aren’t fond of them. One spiteful adult can negatively affect a child’s entire development. Don’t be the girl who’s with that guy. And honestly, what’s more adorable than a guy who knows how to make kids smile? Goofy dudes are better than jerks any day.
- You can picture a future without him. Don’t stay with him just because you can envision a future with him; stay with him because you can’t see a future without him. If you could leave him today and know with absolute certainty that you’d be fine on your own, why stay? Start building a new future — by yourself, or with the guy you can’t imagine not having in your life.
- He isn’t willing to compromise. Being able to stand his ground in certain situations is great, but sometimes you need to find middle ground to move forward. Stubbornness isn’t endearing, it’s frustrating. If he refuses to compromise, he isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place. Real relationships always require compromise — a little give and take from both sides is necessary, and a guy who can’t understand that is a guy you need to kick to the curb.
