If someone doesn’t have self-confidence and solid boundaries in place, they might find it difficult to be assertive and prioritize their needs over others. Saying “yes” is their default setting and it’s causing them to experience these 15 daily battles. The struggle is real!
1. They’re riddled with guilt.
People who can’t say “no” to others often feel guilty for various reasons. Perhaps it’s because they’re always putting their life and needs on the back burner to accommodate other people. This makes them feel like they’re sacrificing what they need to be happy. Or, they might feel guilty because they’re saying “yes” to doing something that they don’t want to do, wasting precious hours of their life.
2. They feel like a fake.
Someone who can’t say “no” will feel like they’re lying to their loved ones. When their brother begs them to attend a heavy metal concert and they don’t want to go, they’ll go anyway and feel like they have to pretend to have a good time to not disappoint him. Or, when their friend asks them to babysit, they’ll feel like they have to drop everything and be a supportive bestie, even though they’re exhausted and wish they could curl up in bed with a good book. They might feel like a fraud and fear that their loved ones can sense they’re not being genuine.
3. They feel taken advantage of.
If people expect this person to always be willing to help them out when they’re in a bind, they might start to take it all for granted. Maybe they’ll assume that because this person will push all their tasks aside to help them, asking one more time isn’t a big deal. Meanwhile, the person bending over backward will start to feel like they’re not being valued or appreciated. Instead of having the confidence to say “no,” they’ll stew in those negative feelings.
4. They struggle to have a healthy work-life balance.
Maybe the person can’t say “no” to their hectic workload, even though it’s affecting other areas of their life, like love. Or, perhaps they’re saying “yes” to their toxic partner’s requests to the point where they feel unable to accomplish basic work tasks. When they’re not focusing on themselves and doing what they need to be healthy, this leads to a work-life imbalance that sucks the joy out of their life.
5. They miss doing their hobbies.
If they’re always making other people’s demands their priority, they might find that they’re missing out on chasing the hobbies, passions, and interests they used to love doing. It’s no wonder they may feel sad or depressed—they’re cutting back on the things that bring them joy. What’s worse, is that they simply don’t have time or energy to revisit the joyful things because these resources are going to other people.
6. They feel resentful.
Saying “yes” to everything other people want can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. This happens because the person will start to experience a loss of autonomy. After saying “yes,” they might feel like they’re losing control of their own life and decisions. They’re allowing themselves to be ruled by what other people want or need, instead of their own desires.
7. They let other people down.
People who struggle to say “no” often do so to gain approval from others. However, their inability to decline requests might inadvertently cause more disappointment than if they had just said no in the first place. For example, they might cancel plans to attend a friend’s birthday party because a family member requires their assistance. In trying to prioritize one relationship, they’ll let down another. This can leave them feeling overwhelmed, trapped, and like they can’t please everyone, regardless of their actions.
8. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
Linked to the previous point, someone who goes the extra mile for their loved ones might start to feel accountable for their feelings. If their partner is angry because their car’s broken, they might feel like they have to offer their car to get their partner to calm down. They take on other people’s feelings as problems they have to solve, which puts lots of pressure on their shoulders to make everyone happy. An impossible task!
9. They feel burned out.
Carrying other people’s feelings and demands every day can cause people to feel stressed, and overwhelmed, and risk burning out. It’s too much for them to juggle multiple responsibilities without being able to say “no” to some of them. This can lead to chronic stress that has a negative impact on their physical and mental health. Too much stress can cause problems such as anxiety, depression, headaches, and high blood pressure.
10. They neglect their basic care.
Saying “yes” all the time can cause a person to spread themselves too thin. They’ll give so much of themselves to others that they end up not being able to look after themselves. Maybe they give their broke partner so much of their money that they don’t have enough to pay their own bills. Or, they give up their restful sleep so they can be on call for others to the point where they’re fatigued. They’re literally hurting themselves by being a “yes” man or woman.
11. They feel lost.
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Chronically focusing on other people’s needs and expectations can cause “yes” people to forget about living their own lives. They put their problems on the back burner instead of solving them. Or, they let other people’s needs overtake their own, which can make them feel like they don’t know who they are anymore. They’re focusing so much on others and their approval that they’re ignoring their identity and personal growth.
12. They have low self-esteem.
Being so dependent on other people’s approval can cause someone to fear rejection or judgment if they assert themselves. To deal with this fear, they prioritize pleasing others instead of focusing on their happiness. But here’s the thing: relying on external validation points to a lack of self-confidence and no matter how much they say “yes” to others, it won’t make them feel worthy.
13. They struggle to decline small, unnecessary requests.
They’re so used to being there for everyone that they simply take on all the demands thrown at them. They don’t focus on the most urgent ones and say “no” to small, unnecessary requests because they don’t want to be perceived as being uncaring or unhelpful. This makes them overcommit themselves, which can lead to stress.
14. They try to be perfect.
Someone who’s bending over backward to help others might feel so much pressure to meet their expectations that they become perfectionists. They want to gain other people’s approval to the point where they strive to have a flawless image, like being seen as the perfect friend or the most diligent co-worker. By doing this, they’re avoiding the underlying issues, such as low self-worth, that are making them act inauthentically.
15. They feel like victims.
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Difficulty saying “no” can leave people feeling powerless and frustrated because they’re letting other people decide what they do with their time and energy. But, instead of taking control and asserting themselves, they might resort to blaming others for how they feel. This keeps them trapped in a cycle of saying “yes” to others and feeling like victims.
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