Let’s face it—if I started comparing my relationship with other people’s then I wouldn’t ever feel satisfied. It would constantly feel like a competition and that’s not what love is about. Comparing can be very damaging, so here’s why I refrain from doing it:
- Every relationship is unique. I know, I know, it sounds like a cliche but it’s true. No two people are the same, so why would every relationship be the same? It doesn’t make sense to compare two things that are completely different.
- Social media is NOT real life. That cute couple on Instagram celebrating their anniversary at their favorite restaurant could have had an argument seconds after that photo was uploaded but no one will ever know. I’m not naive enough to assume that there are couples out there who don’t experience the bad stuff as well as the good. Social media only shows a little snippet of their lives.
- I don’t want to take my relationship for granted. Comparing what I have to what someone else has would feel like I’m being ungrateful. There’s always going to be a couple who seem happier, richer, more successful but ultimately, I should be concentrating on my own relationship and not anyone else’s.
- It would make me feel bad about myself and my relationship. The thing about comparing is that it becomes obsessive. Just like I find things that I dislike about myself, I could easily start looking for problems in my relationship that aren’t even there. It’s damaging to my relationship and my mental health, which is why I avoid doing it at all costs.
- I’d be missing out on all the good parts. While I’m busy worrying about what my relationship is lacking, I’d be completely neglecting the good parts. I want to appreciate my relationship for what it is rather than focusing on what it’s not. Every relationship is different, which means what works for one couple might not work for another. It’s stupid to compare.
- There shouldn’t be any competition. I know that there are some couples who like to find flaws in other people’s relationships to make them feel better about their own, but that kind of pettiness spreads the wrong message. I’m not competing with anyone else. I’m happy with my relationship and I’m also happy for other people’s relationships because their happiness shouldn’t affect my own. That’s how it should be.
- Comparing leads to jealousy and jealousy is ugly. I’ll admit that sometimes I see a couple on Instagram staying at a five-star hotel or celebrating their third anniversary at one of the best restaurants and I feel a pang of jealousy. For a brief moment, I envy them and that’s perfectly okay. I know that my jealousy would never go any further than that.
- It creates unrealistic expectations. Comparing is toxic because it creates high expectations that neither I or my partner would ever be able to meet. Basically, I’d be setting myself up for disappointment and that could easily tear down my relationship. Why would I risk it? I’m happy with what I’ve got.
- My friends’ relationships aren’t perfect either. I never idolize anyone else’s relationship because I know that I’m not seeing the full picture. My friends’ share a ton of their relationship problems with me and some of them don’t hold back when it comes to badmouthing their partners, so I know that all couples go through the same thing, even if they try their best to hide it. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship.
- It would offend my partner. I’m not the kind of person who would say to my boyfriend, “I wish you were more like that guy,” as that’s rude AF and I don’t agree with it. Still, if I’m comparing my relationship to someone else’s, my boyfriend might assume that he’s not enough. I don’t want him to feel bad about himself because of my own insecurities. And to be honest, I don’t want him to change either.
- If I wasn’t happy in my relationship, I’d get out of it. I’d never settle in a relationship. If I didn’t feel completely happy with the person I’m dating, then I’d walk away and find someone who did. I think comparing my relationship to anyone’s else’s would be an indicator that my heart really isn’t in it.
- At the end of the day, it’s pointless. Seriously, what’s the point? The truth is I’m happy and comfortable in my relationship, so there’s no need for me to compare mine to anyone else’s. Some couples create this perfect image on social media but that’s exactly what it is: an image. It’s not reality. From the outside, my relationship might appear perfect but it’s not. And honestly, I couldn’t be happier.
