If you’ve lived in the same city for a while, you probably have the unfortunate experience of running into people you don’t want to see from time to time, the worst of which being your ex boyfriends. As the fates would have it, you always run into them at the worst times, and have probably had one (or all) of these thoughts when it happens:
- “Oh, damn.” Before you think anything else, your heart will skip a beat and you’ll have a slight moment of panic. Ugh, why is he here right now, today of all days?
- “He looks awful!” Your next thought might be that he looks terrible, which will probably elate you. Maybe he got fat and his hair fell out. Or maybe…
- “He looks amazing.” Damn it. You remembered him being hot… but this hot? Nothing stings more than knowing he’s improved since you broke up. You might even consider trying to hook up again… but don’t you dare!
- “His new girlfriend is so hot.” Seeing your ex with a gorgeous woman will either make you angry, or make you proud to be among the hot women he’s dated. But what if…
- “His new girlfriend is hideous.” Conversely, you might be angrier that his new chick isn’t pretty (even if you just think that because you’re being bitchy) and be insulted that he’s attracted to both of you. God, it’s hard not to be petty.
- “Where can I hide?” If you didn’t part on good terms, you might be tempted to crawl under that circular rack of jackets and wait until he has passed by. You might call more attention to yourself, though, so the shoe aisle might be a safer option.
- “I don’t want to introduce the ex to my boyfriend.” If you’re out shopping with your new boyfriend and your old one is there, you don’t want to freak out, but you also don’t want to be forced to introduce them. Ugh, the worst.
- “Why did I wear sweatpants to Target today?” I couldn’t have just put on some makeup today, or perhaps some jeans and an actual bra?
- “Did I put deodorant on?” OMG, I didn’t shower before I came out today — I hope I don’t stink. Where are the toiletries in this joint? I need a tester now.
- “I hope he still thinks I am hot. I want him to be sorry.” Actually, I’m glad I’m wearing yoga pants. He always used to say they were his weakness, so maybe they still are. “Oh, hi, Mark… it’s so good to see you again. Whoops! I dropped my wallet. Let me just bend over and pick it up.”
- “I don’t really need to buy shampoo from here right now, I’m out of here.” Screw this, I cannot possibly bear to run into him or act like I don’t see him. I’d rather brave Walmart than deal with this. Peace out.
- “What if he sees this Slim Fast in my cart?” Do I have anything embarrassing in here? I don’t want him to see that I’m still a person struggling to become a better version of myself even without him! Abort mission. Abort!
