Sure, some things like cheating and emotional unavailability that are universal to all relationships. However, being a member of the LGBTQ+ community means facing certain issues that are unique to us, especially when it comes to dating. Here are some problems we face.
- You reach the end of people on dating apps. Have you ever reached the end of Tinder while living in a major city? Probably not unless you’re LGBTQ. The community isn’t very big and there are far fewer of us than straight people, so sometimes Tinder runs out of people to show you. This is such a crazy problem because it’d never happen to straight folks given the volume of them.
- Are they into my gender or no? Straight people generally don’t have to ask whether someone of the opposite sex is going to be into them. It’s usually a given, considering most people are straight. We LGBTQ people, on the other hand, have to wonder if someone’s gay/bi/curious/etc. There’s no guarantee that when we hit on someone they’d even be remotely interested in our gender, never mind us as individuals.
- The closet looms. Some people never come out for whatever reason, or they come out partially. This means that we might have to be hidden from a lover’s family in a way that hetero people just don’t have to deal with. The closet is still a place where some people live and while it’s not our fault that many of us still feel uncomfortable existing as we are outside of it, it does make dating more complicated and sometimes more painful.
- Transphobia is a thing. Unfortunately, there are still people out there who hate trans people. It may be totally apparent or they could be subtle about it; regardless, trans people have to deal with others disliking them simply for being who they are. It’s terrible. They can’t control their situation, yet others think all sorts of awful things about them. This can manifest in people refusing to date trans folks even within the queer community.
- The “which one’s the guy?” question is obnoxious. This can happen to women, men, nonbinary people, etc. The stupid question is asked, “Well, who’s the guy in the relationship?” This can ignorantly be asked to lesbian couples. It doesn’t even make any sense, but people who are unable to break out of stereotypical gender norms tend to ask it a lot.
- There’s usually an even greater degree of disapproval from family. It’s not uncommon for a partner’s parents to have some issue with the person their child is dating, but sexuality brings this to a whole other level. Parents can absolutely hate a partner and even blame them for their child being gay/bisexual/trans.
- People question our sexuality. They wonder if we really just like the same sex or if we’re truly bisexual. It’s some serious garbage. Rarely are straight people asked if they’re truly straight. They aren’t asked, “How do you know you’re straight if you haven’t had gay sex?” whereas queer people are asked, “How do you know you’re gay if you haven’t had straight sex?” People can’t just leave our sexuality be.
- It’s possible to be too feminine. It’s rare that straight women have to worry about being too feminine. However, there’s a weird rift in the lesbian community where some people are only into more masculine girls, so a random problem is that you can be too girly for a partner. This can even be the case for men.
- It can be seen as “just a fling.” This is particularly the case for us bisexual folk. A straight person wouldn’t be told that their legitimate and serious relationship is “just a fling.” It happens because there’s a misunderstanding that bi people are just confused. As a result, our relationships aren’t taken seriously. I suppose the same could be said for gay people if someone thinks it’s “just a phase.”
- Sharing exes happens way too often. This is a sometimes funny and sometimes not so funny reality of being in the queer community. It’s very, very small and often people have dated others’ exes or exes of exes. It’s not uncommon for two people to have a mutual ex.
- Periods ruin sex for two weeks. This is particularly true for women (and some trans/nonbinary people). Not that you can’t have sex on your period, but it can make things difficult and messy. Unfortunately, women can get stuck with two weeks out of the month being obstructed by blood.
- PDA comes with inherent danger. When a hetero couple kisses and touches each other in public, no one cares. People generally don’t stare and a big deal isn’t made of it. Queer couples, however, get all sorts of pushback. People could be mad their kids are “witnessing” it or some people go out of their way to say we’re shoving our gayness in people’s faces. Not only do people dislike it sometimes, but also there can be those who harass or even get violent with queer couples. It can be scary.
