We all have preconceived beliefs about love. Some we observed from watching our parents or Disney movies growing up and some we created ourselves from our past relationships. Unfortunately, holding on to certain beliefs of what love should look like and what it shouldn’t might be holding you back from a healthy relationship. In fact, if you believe these 11 things, it’s making your love-life toxic.
- Every Relationship Gets Toxic. Not everyone experiences a toxic relationship. In fact, a lot of people meet someone and fall in love without ever getting their heart broken. Relationships, for the most part, shouldn’t hurt. Your partner shouldn’t treat you like crap or manipulate you for fun. You shouldn’t feel nuts, then angry, then nuts again. Relationships shouldn’t become toxic. If they do, you’re probably not with the right person.
- Your Partner Should Be Your Best Friend. The idea that you should end up with your best friend isn’t necessarily true. Your partner shouldn’t replace the friends you’ve had since high school. They shouldn’t be the only one you rely on or call when you need advice. In order for your relationship to be healthy, you need other people in your corner. You need a best friend who doesn’t double as your romantic partner.
- Love Conquers All. You can love someone with all your heart, but that doesn’t mean the relationship will last. Love is important, but it doesn’t make your problems go away. If you and your partner can’t communicate or find ways to resolve certain issues, your relationship won’t work regardless of how much love you have for each other.
- Relationships Happen Naturally. You don’t magically wake up in the perfect relationship. It takes time, hard work, and sacrifice. This belief that “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” isn’t necessarily true. Sure, you can both want a relationship, but if you’re not willing to compromise and put yourself second, it won’t happen.
- You Should Love Everything About Your Partner. Honestly, that’s just impossible. There’s no way you’re going to love everything about your partner and they’re not going to love everything about you. It’s not about finding someone without flaws, it’s about finding flaws that aren’t dealbreakers for you. Can you live with a procrastinator? Can you live with a messy person?
- Love Should Look Like _____. There’s nothing wrong with going into a relationship with expectations (you should definitely have those), but be open to the idea of something else. Love is unique for everyone. The kind of love your best friend has might not be the kind of love you need, and that’s 100% okay. Chances are, you’ll end up with the opposite of what you envisioned.
- Sex Isn’t Important. Yes, it is. If you don’t enjoy having sex with your partner, it’s going to be difficult (if not impossible) to have a healthy long-term relationship. I’m not saying you should end the relationship if they finish too early, but you should both feel comfortable and sexually fulfilled. If that means trying something new, try something new. Don’t settle for sub-par sex!
- You Can Change People. You can’t change someone and honestly, you shouldn’t even try. People are who they are and it’s not your duty to mold them into someone else. Instead of trying to change your partner, appreciate who they are. Or better yet, don’t fall in love with someone’s potential and look at the person right in front of you.
- Love Should Hurt. Not really. This is another common misconception and it’s the media’s fault. Romantic comedies make it seem like love should hurt but it shouldn’t. Sure, there will be times when you’ll feel frustrated and angry, but if your partner makes you feel destructive and sad all the time, something’s not right.
- There’s One Perfect Person For Everyone. Listen, I’m not saying soulmates don’t exist. They do. That said, you’re not going to end up with the world’s most perfect person because there’s no such thing. You’re compatible with a lot of people in this world, which is why you should be more open-minded. Relationships are about finding someone who understands you and vice versa. If you’re waiting for the perfect guy, you’re going to be waiting forever.
- Love Is A Feeling. You fall in love with your heart but you stay in love with your mind (and your heart too). Love is a choice. Every day you have to make the decision to put effort into your relationship, which isn’t easy. Relationships aren’t easy, but neither is love. Committing to a person means being there for the good times and the bad times.
