The single scene is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you might meet a great guy who ends up being your long-term love; on the other, you have to deal with getting hit on by a lot of weirdos. It’s great when guys show their interest, of course, but it’s when they’re oblivious to the fact that they’re coming on too strong that there’s a problem. Here are just a few of the ways they go over the top.
- Popping up unexpectedly. Surprises are awesome if you’re in a serious relationship already. On the flip side, they’re awful when you just met him and you’re still in the getting-to-know-each-other stage. Having him show up unannounced at your apartment, your best friend’s birthday dinner, or your job is not just inappropriate, it’s weird. This is especially true if you’ve only gone on a couple of dates and are nowhere near exclusive.
- Blowing up your phone with countless texts. Wanting to check in on you and seeing how your day is going so far is great, except when he’s doing it every waking hour. It’s annoying, drains your phone battery, and makes it seem like he doesn’t have a life outside of you (and that’s not sexy). Guys may not even realize this counts as coming on too strong, but it definitely does.
- Calling incessantly. You’re not attached to your phone and sometimes don’t check your voicemail for days at a time. When you check your phone and see you’ve got 15 missed calls from him (in addition to the same amount of texts), there’s a serious problem.
- Touching you constantly. Sure, he’s trying to show that he’s interested — not to mention bragging to the guys around him that he’s in with a beautiful woman — but it’s not OK. Unless you’ve invited him to put his hands on you, a guy that insists on doing it anyway is not only disrespectful, but he needs some lessons in appropriate behavior. Consent is important for everyone. Isn’t that clear by now?
- Aggressive flirting. Flirting is supposed to be fun, but it becomes a nightmare when there’s heavy sexual innuendo and groping involved. At a certain point, it just starts coming off as creepy and is bound to make you uncomfortable and even give you the ick. There’s no coming back from that.
- Revealing too much information too soon. While honesty is the best policy, he doesn’t need to drag all his skeletons out of the closet on the first date. You certainly don’t need to know about all his past relationships and his mad exes. There’s a time for pouring out his soul, and the beginning of a blossoming romance isn’t it. You should get to know him and his life naturally, not in an abridged info-dumping way.
- Giving excessive compliments. While you appreciate a sincere and genuine compliment from a guy, doing it too often seems awkward and disingenuous. If there’s no reason to applaud you on anything, then he seriously doesn’t have to. You’re not some attention whore who can’t live without being recognized and praised.
- Monopolizing your time. Forcing you to spend every second of your life with him just because he can’t get enough of you isn’t cute. It’s clingy and scary, and makes it seems like he’s obsessed with you, which is never a good sign. He needs to give you space and respect your time because you can’t spend it all with him.
- Sending dick pics. Yes, you might have gone on a few dates with him and even talked about intimate things, but that doesn’t mean you’re interested in seeing his penis (at least not yet). He needs to keep those images to himself because you’re seriously not interested. The fact that he doesn’t realize that this is inappropriate and crosses your boundaries is a real problem.
- Initiating the “Where is this going?” talk after a couple of dates. Sure, he wants to know that you’re as serious and committed as he is, but that doesn’t mean that he should corner you a few dates in to try and get you to lock things down. He needs to let things play themselves out rather than trying to force it. This is the definition of coming on too strong!
