Waiting to sleep with someone is tough in a fast-paced world filled with instant gratification. Slowing down can be challenging, but it also can be worth it. Here are 10 things that happen when you pump the brakes on sleeping with someone.
- You quickly weed out people who just want sex. Right off the bat, you’ll scare away those who aren’t looking for a significant relationship. You’ll weed people right out who are only looking for sex. This may seem painful and upsetting at first, but ultimately it’ll help you avoid what you don’t want and to get what you do truly want—a nice relationship.
- You’ll see that the right person is willing to wait. Alternatively, waiting a while to have sex will highlight the right person because they’ll be willing to wait however long you need. They’ll show you that they respect your needs and wants, leaving you feeling like your boundaries are being cared about. This person won’t run when you say “no,” instead they’ll wait patiently for the moment when you’re ready.
- You actually get to know the person. Rather than running head on into physical contact, you can slow it way down to get to know the person in front of you. When sex happens quickly, there’s less talking because you’re too busy exploring each other’s bodies. Instead, it’s nice to explore each other’s minds and souls—getting to know the humans that you both are.
- You give yourself space to think. Sex speeds everything up. It makes you feel a lot of things and the endorphins get you love-drunk. They even start to give a false sense of connection where there may not really be one. On the other hand, if you’re waiting to have sex until after you know someone you’re giving yourself space to actually reflect on how you feel without being driven by desire.
- You get to see if you even like them. As a result of having space, you can feel out if you even like the person. It’s really easy to like them if you’re experiencing their lips on yours, but it’s a lot more challenging to face the truth of the raw person without all the endorphins. Ultimately though, it may be really healthy for you to hold off on having sex and instead feel out if you actually like the person or not.
- You build trust. There are plenty of bozos who’d come into your life just for sex. It’s hard to know this in the beginning, especially if what they’re saying is that they’ll be around for a while. Refraining from getting physical is like testing what they’re saying, though. Those that stick around and continue to respect you after you’ve said you wanted to wait are those to trust. They’re also building trust in you because they’re learning that you’re willing to speak up for exactly what your needs are.
- You’re more likely to keep yourself safe. Sexual assault is an unfortunate reality. Lesser forms that occur, too, are disrespect in the bedroom. Both of these things can happen and they’re awful. Not always, but they may be more likely to happen when you’re sleeping with people right away as opposed to taking the time to get to know them and build trust first. If you’re waiting, there’s a better chance you’re keeping yourself safe by sleeping with someone you’ve grown to know.
- You’re building emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is one thing you can create with total strangers. Emotional intimacy, on the other hand, is much deeper. It takes time getting to know someone, learning the ins and outs of who they are, to really begin to build intimacy of the emotional variety. When you’re taking time from having sex, you’re able to just focus on building it.
- You’re building something based on mutual care. Since you’re speaking your needs and the other person is respecting them, you know that they care about you. You care about them as well because part of the reason you’re holding back on having sex is so that you can actually get to know the person and treat them like a human rather than a piece of meat.
- You get to feel like sex is significant when it does happen. You don’t hold off on sex forever—eventually, you do the deed. It gets to feel significant when you do, perhaps more so than if you were to just have sex on one of the first few dates. You get to have sex with someone you know, care about, and trust. What’s better than that?
