Everyone wants to be the best at something, whether it be sports or music or painting. However, some people just want to be the best at EVERYTHING. Those rare gems that are so competitive at everything they do, life becomes kind of stressful. When that minivan cuts them off in traffic, a challenge emerges in their brain: Beat the minivan. Suddenly they’re Tokyo Drifting in front of an Applebees just to prove that they can get in front of this oblivious soccer mom. If this sounds like you, you can probably relate to the many struggles of being a crazily competitive lady.
- Team building exercises make you cringe. Do they even WANT to win?! Cindy better get her act together and hot glue the hell out of that poster board. Nothing irritates you more than people who don’t understand your need to compete (and come out on top).
- If there’s zero chance of you winning, you don’t even want to try. Because, really, what’s the point?
- You’ve definitely lost friends over your need to win/upstage their efforts. It’s not something you’re proud of but, hey, sometimes even friendships need to be put to the test. (So far, your bestie is winning.)
- Friendly games of pub trivia or Apples to Apples turn into a war zone really easily. You’re telling your team that it doesn’t matter that you’re losing, but your face is saying something completely different. Your teammates know that red-faced, steam-coming-out-of-your-ears look all too well.
- You do not lose gracefully. It’s really hard for you to be the loser and sometimes you’re not the most gracious by the end of the battle — even if that battle is just a game of Checkers. Check yourself, grandpa. This picnic table is about to get to flipped.
- Age is but a number to you when it comes to winning or losing. There’s no way in hell that 6-year-old is winning at this round of Dodgeball.
- If you don’t catch on to something new within 10 minutes, you lose your stuff. Example: I once tried to play Gears of War with an ex and almost smashed his XBOX controller because everything in the game was BROWN and it was impossible to aim at things and he kept chainsawing me every 30 seconds. What’s the point of playing if you’re not even good at it?
- There’s no such thing as “letting someone win.” We all have to learn how to lose sometime. And that time for you is NOT TODAY. That toddler is going down!
- Absolutely everything is a competition and half of the time your opponents don’t even know they’re competing. You and a stranger both approach separate self-checkout lines at the grocery store. He seems to have less items in his basket but your first thought is, “I got this.” You being hurtling boxes of Zebra Cakes and containers of Nutella passed the scanner and slide your card through the machine while he’s still trying to find the barcode on his gallon of milk. Flawless victory.
- You don’t believe in participation awards. Go big or go home. As Nelly would say, “Two is not a winner and 3 nobody remembers.”
