If you ask anyone who’s been in a good relationship, they’ll tell you that communication is key. The moment that you stop communicating effectively — or, in the worse case scenario, stop communicating at all — things tend to fall apart pretty fast. In order to get things more copacetic, you’re going to need to learn how to talk it out with your boyfriend. Here are 10 talks every couple should have before things get really serious.
- “Where is this really going?” You’ll probably have this conversation a few times — before your relationship becomes official and then before you take the serious step of becoming engaged (if that’s actually where it’s going). You don’t want to waste time with a guy who doesn’t have the same relationship goals as you do, and truth be told, most men won’t change their goals just to be with you, so it’s better to know up front.
- “Do you want kids?” You should have this talk before things get serious. If you don’t want kids and he does, or if you need kids and he can’t stand them, it will cause major, often irreparable problems in the future. Even if it hurts to find out he doesn’t feel the same way, it’s best to know beforehand so that you can make a better decision for the sake of everyone involved.
- “Let’s talk exclusivity…” Truth be told, everyone has a different definition of cheating. Everyone also has a different idea of what they should expect their partner to do, especially if they’re at the beginning of a relationship. This is a talk that helps clear up “what if'”s and also can help create boundaries. This way, if something happens, you can both be held accountable for what happened.
- “Before we get serious, are there any dealbreakers I should be aware of?” This is a good talk to have before you’re official with your boyfriend. You might find out that what he’s looking for isn’t actually you in the first place.
- “Before we get married, we need to talk about finances.” If you’ve been serious for a while, you need to know his financial status, what his goals are for the future, and how it will affect you. After all, you don’t want to go bankrupt supporting him, right? Considering that money is one of the most common reasons people break up, it’s wise to broach the subject before you begin merging your lives together.
- “We need to discuss family/friendship boundaries, too.” One of the other biggest reasons that couples break up is because of outside influences. How many times have you heard about parents or friends or exes breaking up others’ relationships? You need to discuss these kinds of issues before they become insurmountable. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to set boundaries or cut ties, he’s already chosen the others over you.
- “Let’s talk about sex, baby!” Take a cue from the song. You need to have a discussion about sex with any guy who you want to bed. You need to know his stance on protection, his sexual health, and if you want to get a little crazy, you also should talk about his kinks and hard limits. This way, you don’t traumatize each other, you will have a safe word, and everything will be safe, sane, and consensual.
- “These are behaviors I won’t accept in a man. What are behaviors you won’t tolerate?” This is a good way to preemptively put your foot down to bad behavior, and while it may be an offputting conversation to have, it’s one that can actually prevent abuse. Telling them that you’ll walk away if you see these behaviors is a quick way to remind him to stay on his toes. Establishing boundaries is important, and it’s especially important that you stick to them.
- “Why do you want to commit to me?” You might as well know the reasons why he’s committing. If he’s doing it for the wrong reasons, you may want to put a delay on that commitment.
- “What are your goals in the future?” This conversation should encompass career goals, as well as lifestyle goals. If he wants a home out in the country, and you’re a city slicker, then you may need to rethink things. It’s also good to keep tabs on what you want to focus on, though, right?
