We all go through breakups, and there’s plenty of advice out there telling you how to get through them with your sanity intact. It’s usually about giving yourself permission to be upset, accepting that the breakup was for the best, and then re-focusing on yourself. But there are also plenty of things that people do after a breakup that are incredibly self-destructive. It might feel good at the moment, but ultimately it’s unhealthy and not helping you move on.
- Eat everything. No one’s going to tell you not to cry into a pint of ice cream one night if that’s what you want to do. But if you continue to eat your feelings, you’re only going to end up feeling worse. So go ahead and have an Oreo or two, but then put the box away. You’ll just end up feeling gross, bloated, and bad about yourself. You don’t need that crap.
- Become a hermit. This is one of the most self-destructive things you can do after a breakup. The world doesn’t stop turning just because you’re suddenly single. You still have a job to go to, friends and family that love you, and responsibilities to take care of. Locking yourself away in an attempt to hide from anything that reminds you of him isn’t going to work forever. So you might as well just face the reality of your life without him.
- Obsess about everything you did wrong. Breakups take two people, so chances are your relationship ending wasn’t all your fault. Blaming yourself isn’t making you feel better, and it’s not going to change anything, so why torture yourself? Figuring out how to stop obsessing over someone and move on is easier said than done, but it’s important. Same goes for fixating on all the things you could have (and maybe should have) done differently. The past is in the past for a reason. Leave it there.
- Refuse to accept it’s over. Living in denial by wearing his clothes to bed, stalking him on social media every day, and daydreaming about the day you get back together is guaranteed to hold you back from ever getting over him and moving on. It might be easier said than done at first, but erasing him from your day-to-day life is a great first step in accepting it’s really over. Block your ex on anything and everything. Your future self will thank you.
- Rebound directly into a new relationship. By all means, get out there and meet new people. Go on dates and give new guys a chance. But don’t rush into a commitment just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. That relationship is doomed from the start, and you know it.
- Date people who are all wrong for you. A failed relationship doesn’t have to be a waste as long as you learn something about yourself and what you’re looking for. If you ignore the lessons you should have learned and keep dating people who are obviously not right for you, you’re just sabotaging your own happiness.
- Fixate on getting revenge. It’s natural to want your ex to feel as hurt as you do, but ultimately, that’s not something you can control. Getting in really good shape, or getting a cool new haircut are both great, but do those things because you want to, not because you think they’d be an awesome ‘screw you’ to him.
- Go on a spending spree. If spending money is your vice of choice when you’re in bury your feelings mode, be careful. A new purse or pair of shoes to cheer yourself up might be worthwhile, but don’t go into debt just to distract yourself from your breakup. A huge credit card bill isn’t going to make you feel any better in the long run.
- Bad mouth him to everyone you know. You might want to let all your mutual friends know that he’s the one who ruined your relationship so they’ll be on your side. But the only thing trashing him is doing is making you look petty and immature. Keep the dirty details of your breakup to yourself, because chances are it doesn’t exactly cast you in the most flattering light either.
- Let jealousy get the best of you. This is a very self-destructive pattern to fall into after a breakup. Your friend who just got engaged and is impossibly happy while you’re going through the worst breakup of your life doesn’t deserve your bitterness. It may not be easy to see someone else getting all the things you want, but your unhappiness isn’t her fault, so don’t take out your frustrations on her.
