I have an ex who still follows me on every one of my social media accounts. We don’t talk at all and haven’t in a very long time, but he’s always literally the first person to look at my Instagram Story or like my selfies. He never comments or anything, but he likes to make his presence known by being there. Given that our relationship definitely didn’t end well, his decision to keep following and interacting with me like this has left me with a whole lot of questions. If I could ask him, here’s what I’d want to know.
- Why do you still look at my posts? This question gets at the heart of my issue. Like, why does he still look at them? Why does he like them? Why does he like the provocative selfies? Hasn’t he moved on? Isn’t he happy? What’s the point of haunting me? We broke up a long time ago! I just don’t believe that he’s micro-stalking me for the hell of it. There’s got to be something he’s looking for, at least that’s my feeling. Checking your ex’s social media is kind of a big no-no, but there he is…
- What exactly are you looking for? Is he looking for a semblance of the girl he used to know? Does he want to know what I’ve been up to since we broke up? Or does he just have an insatiable curiosity that forces him to see what I’m up to all of the time?
- Do you think I don’t notice? Like, does he just think that I don’t look at who views my Instagram Story? That’s the annoying thing—it’s clearly deliberate. He totally checks to see what I’m up to and he never misses a post. Nothing is accidental. It’s kind of like he wants me to notice.
- Why don’t you reach out to me? I just want to know why he can press the like button and view my posts but not actually reach out to me and just say hello. That doesn’t make much sense to me. We spent multiple years together. We were each other’s best friends and lovers for so long. That’s got to mean something. Sure, we aren’t together anymore but if he’s going to micro-stalk me the way he does, it just feels like he might as well initiate a conversation. Obviously, he’s still a little interested in what I’m up to in my life without him.
- Does your new girlfriend know you still follow me? And is she okay with it? For me, I wouldn’t be mad if my boyfriend followed his ex online but it would definitely annoy me, especially if I saw that he was keeping up with all of her online actions.
- Do you miss me? We had so many great times and it was pretty good while it lasted. Sometimes, I even find myself reminiscing about this particular guy and our relationship. Missing someone and not wanting to be with him again are totally legitimate feelings to have toward someone from your past. I wonder if my ex-BF checks up on me because he misses what we shared.
- You totally still think I’m hot, don’t you? Ha, seriously though. I’ve gotten way hotter since we broke up, if I do say so myself, so maybe he noticed my little glow-up! Never underestimate the power of a great highlighter.
- Is it hard seeing that I’ve moved on? Watching an ex move on, especially online or through social media, is hardly an easy task. It was definitely hard for me to watch him move on and post photos of his new relationship online. I wonder if it’s as bittersweet for him to witness my new relationship deepen through the photos and stories I share as it has been for me to watch him do it.
- Do you feel bad about how things ended? I’ve always wanted to ask him about this and each time I see that he’s checked up on me on social media, I’m super tempted to send him a message with those exact words. Even after all of the time between then and now, I feel pangs of pain when I think about how poorly things ended between us. I don’t really believe in regrets but I do wish that this relationship had ended a lot more properly than it did. It was full of heartbreak and confusion. The pieces of our relationship scattered everywhere. Nothing could be salvaged. There’s not even a chance we’ll ever be friends.
- Can you stop? I’m happy with my life without him and I’ve totally moved on. This particular ex really broke my heart and it took me quite a long time to fully get over our relationship. I love the new relationship I’m in now and I’ve done really well without him. If he’s not going to reach out to me and initiate a conversation, I just wish he would stop micro-stalking me altogether. I also could block him, but that seems a bit over the top, don’t you think?
