Are you grappling with the aftermath of catching your partner in a lie? It’s easy to jump to conclusions and assume it’s a huge red flag, but the reality could be a bit more complex. So, before you hit delete and block, let’s delve into 15 reasons why men might resort to deception.
1. They lie to avoid conflict.
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You have a tense argument with your partner and he chooses to be silent instead of escalating the tension. It’s not necessarily that he’s avoiding a fight because he doesn’t want to go elbow-deep into your relationship issues. It could be that he dreads the drama that follows heated debates. Perhaps conflict makes him anxious, such as if he was raised by parents who were always shouting at each other.
2. They lie to prevent you from blowing up.
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If you’re the type of partner who’s extremely jealous or suspicious, your partner might feel like they have to avoid telling you certain things so that you don’t turn into the Hulk. For example, they might lie about their ex texting them to prevent you from accusing them of cheating. The problem is that if you do find out they lied, the omission is enough to make them seem guilty.
3. They lie when they’re ashamed.
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Maybe the guy in your life has lied to you because he’s feeling ashamed about his behavior and doesn’t want to disappoint you. So, for example, he’ll tell you he’s quit smoking or he’s been sticking to his diet even if he hasn’t. Pressure to impress you or low self-confidence might cause him to not want to admit his failure or mistakes.
4. They lie to protect your feelings.
If he loves you, he’s going to go out of his way to make you feel good. But should he lie? He might tell you a little white lie from time to time, like when you ask him if the floral dress you’re wearing makes you look like a character from “The Sound Of Music.” Although he means well, by telling you that you look amazing, you’d rather get the truth out of him.
5. They lie to impress you.
A guy might be tempted to lie to you when you meet him because he wants you to like him. A classic example of this is when he lies about his height or hairline on a dating app. Similarly, on a blind date, he might pretend to be more financially secure or more successful than he really is to make you view him in a positive light. But, sooner or later, the truth will come out.
6. They lie when they’re unsure.
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If a guy you’re dating isn’t 100 percent sure about having a committed relationship with you, he might lie to buy himself some time. He’ll say he wants to be with you…until he figures out what he actually wants. But, when he drags his heels about DTR’ing, it can backfire and make him seem like a jerk who was leading you on.
7. They lie to keep their options open.
Another hurtful lie a guy might be guilty of is not telling you that he’s dating other women. You think he’s romancing you and you only, but meanwhile he’s just having fun until he finds the one he’s into. What, is this “The Bachelor?” Even if you haven’t been dating for a long time, he should be honest so you know the deal. This type of lie makes things messy, ugh.
8. They lie when they love-bomb you.
Sometimes, lies can be much darker, like when the guy you’ve met lies about how much he’s into you when he doesn’t even know you. He’s love-bombing you into falling in love with him so he can get what he wants from you. Although all the praise and attention he’s giving you feels good, it’s all part of his manipulative strategy.
9. They lie when they don’t want to be judged about the past.
If the guy you’re dating has a dodgy past, like if he cheated on many of his exes, he might want to keep it all under lock and key so that you don’t judge him for being a bad guy. The problem is that the more secretive he is and the more he avoids your questions, the more you’ll assume he’s not worth inviting into your life. It would be better if he came clean and focused on how he’s grown from his mistakes.
10. They lie when they want to avoid being vulnerable.
Some guys feel that it’s important for them to be strong or “man up” when facing challenges. So, they might avoid sharing their honest feelings and emotions with you because they don’t want to be judged for being “too sensitive” or “unmanly,” even though these are ludicrous male stereotypes. Pretending to be fine and strong puts emotional walls up that prevent intimacy.
11. They lie if they’re people pleasers.
Some guys might feel like they have to bend over backward to impress the woman they’re dating and keep her interested. So, they might say “yes” to attending your friend’s birthday when they don’t want to go or do hobbies you love even though they can’t imagine a worse way to spend a Saturday afternoon. While they might have good intentions, it can feel manipulative, like they’re faking who they are to keep you around.
12. They lie if they’re narcissists.
In extreme cases, a guy who lies a lot might be a narcissist. He’s deceptive because he’s trying to seem like the perfect man who’s going to romance you and make you happy. He also wants to lie to bolster his self-esteem. The catch is that sooner or later you’ll start seeing through his grandiose stories and notice inconsistencies in what he tells you about himself.
13. They lie because of peer pressure.
Some guys might tell you lies because they’re influenced by their male buddies. For example, maybe he says he dislikes commitment or marriage because all his friends feel that way and he wants to fit in with them. This, combined with other stressors, such as the pressure to be tough and strong, can cause him to keep his real feelings under wraps.
14. They lie because their emotional walls are up.
If you’re dating a mysterious guy, he might lie by giving you vague or one-word answers without any explanations. It’s frustrating and can make you feel like he doesn’t want to increase emotional intimacy. But here’s the thing: it might not be malicious—he might have serious trust issues and just needs some time to open up to you and let his guard down.
15. They lie to protect their ego.
In situations where a man is afraid of appearing incompetent or weak, he might lie to protect his fragile ego. For example, he might pretend not to be scared of heights by climbing into a tree to rescue your cat (even though his knees are shaking). Or, he might engage in conflict with another man at a bar because he doesn’t want to seem weak by backing down. Yup, he’d rather risk a bruised eye than a bruised ego!
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