Narcissists need to feel superior — they can’t help themselves. If they see you enjoying something that doesn’t revolve around them, insecurity kicks in big time. This isn’t normal jealousy, it’s about control. They’ll subtly (or not-so-subtly) try to undermine your non-romantic relationships, making you question if those people are the problem, not the narcissist themselves. Here’s how you know a narcissist is freaking out over the other people in your life.
1. They constantly criticize your loved ones.
Nobody’s perfect, but narcissists hyperfocus on the flaws (real or imagined) of your friends and family. They might insult your mom’s cooking, call your bestie annoying… nothing is off-limits. This constant negativity is designed to make you doubt those relationships, and distance yourself to protect those you care about from the judgment.
2. They sulk or give you the silent treatment when you spend time with other people.
Planning a girls’ night? Visiting your parents? Get ready for some emotional manipulation. Narcissists hate not being the focus of your attention, so they’ll make you feel guilty, PsychCentral reveals. This tactic aims to create a pattern where you gradually choose the narcissist over everyone else to avoid that drama and regain their “approval”.
3. They fake emergencies to pull you away from social events.
Your friend’s birthday party is in full swing, and suddenly the narcissist “urgently” needs you to come home. It’s rarely a true crisis. They want to break your focus from being present with others and remind you that their needs trump any plans you make that don’t center them.
4. They compare themselves to your loved ones, painting themselves in a good light.
“Your brother got a promotion? Well, I’M starting my own business…” Constant one-upping is their way of reasserting their dominance. They can’t handle anyone else getting praise or attention, so they have to make themselves seem superior, even if the comparison makes zero sense.
5. They accuse you of flirting with/having feelings for your friends.
Creating romantic insecurity is a go-to tactic. Narcissists often have zero basis for these accusations – a simple hug with your old friend now “proves” you’re cheating, apparently. This is about control, not genuine suspicion of infidelity. The goal is to isolate you from supportive people by fostering distrust.
6. They gossip about your other relationships, trying to turn you against loved ones.
Did your cousin confide in you during a hard time? The narcissist will twist their words, painting them as selfish or secretly disliking you. This fuels drama between you and your support system, making you more reliant on the narcissist, who will always “be on your side” (even if they caused the conflict).
7. They force you to choose between them and your loved ones.
Ultimatums like “it’s me or your toxic family” are common. They know most healthy people won’t abandon those they love, so they frame it as you being the unreasonable one. Anyone who refuses to let a narcissist dictate their relationships becomes an enemy.
8. They “love bomb” you after you spend time with others.
Went to brunch with friends? Expect the narcissist to be extra charming that evening. This isn’t genuine affection – it’s about sucking you back in after they feel you slipping away. They’ll shower you with gifts or attention, only to revert back to their old tricks once they think you’re “theirs” again.
9. They claim to be “worried” about your other relationships, trying to portray themselves as the protective one.
They might say things like, “Your friend seems to use you a lot…” or “I just don’t trust your coworker, they have bad vibes.” They frame this as being concerned for your well-being, but it’s really about driving a wedge between you and the people they perceive as threats to their control.
10. They intentionally embarrass you in front of your loved ones.
Sharing that cringey story from your childhood, or mocking you in front of your friends, is about diminishing you and tearing you down. Narcissists know if other people think less of you, you’re less likely to prioritize those relationships. It also makes you more dependent on the narcissist, who will always “accept” you, even at your worst.
11. They get jealous of the time you spend on hobbies or self-care activities.
Yoga class? Reading a book? Anything that takes your attention away from them is a problem. They might make snide comments about you “neglecting your responsibilities” or frame any independent activity as inherently selfish. This keeps you dependent on them for entertainment and validation.
12. They gaslight you into believing your loved ones are the toxic ones.
Did your mom express concern about the narcissist’s controlling behavior? Well, according to them, she’s always been jealous of you and trying to poison you against your partners! They rewrite the narrative in their favor, making you doubt your own perceptions and memories.
13. They try to isolate you geographically from your support system.
Pressuring you to move to a new city where they have a job, convincing you to cut ties with family who live far away… anything that separates you from your support network is a win for the narcissist. It leaves you solely dependent on them, making it harder to break free.
14. They demand access to your phone and social media.
This isn’t about trusting you, it’s about surveillance. They want to monitor your communication with others, looking for any “evidence” to justify their jealousy. Demanding your passwords under the guise of love is a major invasion of privacy, designed to control who you have contact with.
15. They sabotage your plans with loved ones at the last minute.
“Accidentally” forgetting to tell you about an important work thing that conflicts with your best friend’s trip, or suddenly “not feeling well” as you’re about to head out the door…this creates resentment between you and your loved ones, making it harder to maintain those relationships.
16. They minimize special occasions you share with others.
Your bestie’s graduation? “It’s just a piece of paper”. Holiday with your family? “They always create so much drama.” Narcissists can’t stand the spotlight being off them, so they try to make you feel your milestones with others aren’t important.
17. They feign helplessness to keep you from going out with friends.
“I don’t know how to heat up dinner…” or “I think my allergies are acting up…” right as you’re about to leave are pretty common. This plays into your empathy, making you feel guilty for leaving them to “suffer” alone. The goal is to make socializing with anyone but them seem like a hassle.
18. They accuse you of not loving them if you prioritize time with your loved ones.
Classic manipulation tactic. They frame your healthy need for various types of relationships as a betrayal of them. This makes you question if having any boundaries, or spending any time away from them, is wrong. Narcissists want to be your entire world.
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