Your partner says they love you, but if they’re showing it by suffocating or controlling you, then that’s not love. Here are 15 ways to spot an unhealthy possession in your relationship.
1. Your partner’s jealousy is set off by anything.
While it’s normal to feel some jealousy from time to time, it’s a red flag if your partner expresses jealousy constantly, especially if it seems over the top. For example, they might get jealous when you text a platonic friend or buy a new outfit before going out. They might also accuse you of things you haven’t done, such as cheating or lying to them. Some partners start exhibiting possessive behaviors to control the anxiety that stems from their jealousy, by monitoring you or snooping through your devices.
2. Your partner tells you how to dress.
A possessive partner will initially try to control you in small ways, like by telling you what to wear or how to style your hair. Although they might make it seem like they’re doing this because they care, perhaps saying that they want you to be confident or accentuate your gorgeous features, it’s really a way to control you. The scary thing is that once you allow them some control, their behavior will increase and worsen.
3. Your partner is moving too fast.
iStock
You want to pace yourself in the relationship, but your partner might want to race through relationship milestones. If they’re controlling and possessive, they want to lock you down and make you invest in the relationship so that it’s harder for you to leave.
4. Your partner monitors your schedule.
You get home and your partner tells you that you’re five minutes late, and they want to know why. Err, what? If they’re smothering you or making you feel like a prisoner in your own home, it’s not cool. They want to track all your movements to know exactly where you are every second of the day.
5. Your partner gets upset when you spend time with others.
You should have a life outside of your relationship. But, a possessive partner will get annoyed or angry when you spend time with loved ones. They might fear that you’ll meet someone else when you’re out of the house and abandon them. Or, they might become moody or sulky when you mention going out because they can’t monitor you when you’re not around them, and that freaks them out.
6. Your partner guilts you into spending time with them.
A possessive partner doesn’t want you to spend time with others, so they’ll try to manipulate you into spending time with them instead. They might create drama to keep you at home or, in extreme cases, they might threaten to hurt themselves. Either way, this is a big red flag.
7. Your partner wants to video chat throughout the day.
A possessive partner who wants to track your movements might not feel like texting is enough. They’ll suggest video chatting daily, or multiple times throughout the day, so they can see you and confirm where you are. It’s creepy.
8. Your partner lies about protecting you.
It’s common for controlling partners to try to hide their possessive behavior under faux concern. So, they might say they’re not isolating you from your loved ones, they’re just trying to protect you from people who don’t have your best interest at heart. Sneaky.
9. Your partner has extremely high expectations.
You might feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough for your partner. This could be because they set lofty expectations and standards for you to meet. For example, they might expect you to respond immediately to their texts and calls, regardless of your schedule or commitments. Or, they might expect you to drop everything when they need you.
10. Your partner doesn’t cheer you on.
©iStock/Yuri Arcurs
If your partner doesn’t support you when you chase your goals or climb the corporate ladder, it’s frustrating and confusing—they should be your number one fan! Well, if they’re controlling or possessive, they might view your success as a threat. They don’t want anything outside of the relationship to decrease how much control they have over you. Their controlling behavior might also stem from insecurity, making them feel jealous of your achievements.
11. Your partner doesn’t make their own plans.
It’s healthy for partners in a relationship to have their own hobbies and interests. But, possessive partners usually want to be by your side all day long. Claustrophobic, much? Instead of going out with their friends or pursuing their hobbies, it seems like their only interest is keeping an eye on you all day long. Yikes. Sure, they say they just want to be with you ’cause they love you so much, but it doesn’t feel that way.
12. Your partner gets moody when you’re happy.
Note how your partner reacts when you have a great day. If you’re over the moon and waiting for them to share in your joy, you might be waiting a long time. They could be sulky or moody when you’re happy because they don’t want to see you having fun without them.
13. Your partner love-bombs you.
You’ve only been dating for a little bit and yet your partner’s acting as though you’re madly in love. They’re sending you expensive flowers and chocolates at work, or planning romantic getaways. In other words: They’re love-bombing you until you fall for them, so they can lock you down.
14. Your partner shows up unannounced.
Someone who wants to control you will get antsy at the thought of being separated from you. So, they might show up at your home late at night or arrive at your friend’s baby shower to say they were “thinking of you.” Ick.
15. Your partner invades your personal space.
Possessive partners are stage-five clingers. They want to be physically close to you, but it can become too much. Even worse is when you ask for some space, they blow up because they don’t want you to have your own life.
16. Find love with the power of your mind — our sister site, Sweetn, shows you how.
Take their fun quiz and try their research-powered tools to transform your love life in weeks. They’ll help you change your perspective on love and relationships and restore your belief that your ideal partner is out there. Click here to start.
