No one can deny that being a parent is tough. In fact, it’s probably one of the hardest challenges you’ll ever face. While you don’t have to aim for perfection, you should try your best to be a loving and caring parent. If it feels like your relationship with your kids is holding on by a thread or they’ve stopped talking to you altogether, there may be a few reasons why.
1. You never praise them
Not every parent is good at showing their affectionate side, and this can become a problem. If you never tell your kids that you’re proud of them or praise them when they tell you good news, they’ll start to question if you care. And if they don’t think you care about them, then they might stop caring about you, too. If you’re proud of them, let them know!
2. You were absent before
If there was a time in their life when you were absent for weeks or months at a time, this could have caused them to lose trust in you. They knew they couldn’t depend on you, so they decided to distance themselves from you to avoid disappointment.
3. You joke about their insecurities
Jokes can be funny, but it’s important to know when to stop. Making jokes about your kid’s insecurities isn’t funny, it’s just cruel. They won’t laugh with you, they’ll start to resent you. Instead of bringing them down, try lifting them up.
4. You’ve ignored their calls in the past
Your child shouldn’t have to beg for your attention and they shouldn’t have to keep calling you to get you to notice them. If they’ve called you countless times before and you never picked up, it’s likely that they’ve given up on you. If you want to be a part of their life, then make it clear.
5. You always make everything about you
Me, me, me. Sound familiar? If it does, that could be the reason why your kids refuse to talk to you. One-sided conversations aren’t really fun, especially when you need your parent to help you with something or give you advice. Ask them about their day and take an interest in their life.
6. You share conflicting views
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We all have differences, but there are some differences in opinions that can create a wall between two people. If you have views that don’t align with your kid’s views, that could be what’s causing problems in your relationship. See if you can see things from their point of view or try to find some common ground.
7. They need a break from you
This might sound harsh, but it’s true. It could be that your kid feels drained from your relationship and needs some time away from you. Have you been calling them a lot and checking in on them? Turning up at places unannounced? We all need a break from people sometimes, even if it’s a parent with good intentions. Just let them breathe.
8. You upset them without realizing
If your adult kid has suddenly stopped communicating with you, it could be that you said something that struck a nerve. You might have said something without thinking, not realizing that they would take offense. Instead of playing the guessing game, ask them directly if you’ve upset them so that you can take the time to explain and apologize.
9. You can’t admit when you’re wrong
Your selfish desire to always be right could be what’s holding you back from having a good relationship with your adult kid. I get it, it’s hard to admit when you’re wrong sometimes. But there are times when swallowing your pride and admitting to your mistakes is more important.
10. You’ve broken their trust
If your child confides in you about something and tells you not to tell anyone then it’s important that you keep your word. You might think it won’t hurt to tell someone else like your partner, for example, but by doing so you’ve broken their trust. Once the trust is broken, it’s hard to come back.
11. You lied to them
It’s okay to tell a white lie every now and again, but there’s a big difference between telling someone a lie to spare their feelings and telling a lie that will make things worse. If your child has caught you out in a lie then this could be really damaging to your relationship. It’s not surprising that they don’t want to talk.
12. You chose someone else over them
No matter how old your kid is, they should always be your priority. Of course, it’s necessary to put your own needs first sometimes, but not when it comes to big decisions. If you’re putting a partner or friend above your own child then you really need to re-evaluate your choices.
13. You criticize their life choices
There will inevitably be times when you don’t agree with your adult kid’s choices in life. Their choice of partner, their career, their decision to get a tattoo, for instance. But if you keep criticizing them and telling them how to live their life, this will drive a wedge between you two. Sometimes it’s best to let them make their own decisions and make their own mistakes.
14. You compare them to others
Nobody likes being compared to others, and that’s a fact. Comparing them to a sibling or anyone else’s kids will hurt their feelings and make them feel like they’re not good enough. You should never make your child feel like they aren’t worthy. Accept them as their own person.
15. You were abusive
There’s no excuse for any form of abuse. Narcissistic parents will never usually admit to abusing their children, instead, they will put the blame on the victim. If your child accuses you of abusing them in any way, they are telling the truth. And there’s often no coming back from that.
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