Trauma is an experience of emotional distress that overrides our ability to process and can leave us scared, upset, and confused. If you’ve been through a traumatic event as a child, you may still be carrying that burden as an adult, and our hearts go out to you. In this post, we’re exploring some of the potential scars that you might have retained if you experienced a traumatic childhood.
1. You struggle to identify your needs.
Dissociation and separation from yourself on a mental, physical, or emotional level are common side effects of trauma. This separation between your experience and your inner world can make identifying your desires or feelings hard. It can look like difficulty hearing your body’s hunger or sleep cues. It could also manifest as a weak sense of self-identity and knowledge of your preferences.
2. You feel less in control of your life.
Traumatic events can tamper with our ability to feel in control of our lives. We deal with sudden and painful experiences for no conceivable reason, and this can make us feel powerless to prevent bad things from happening to us. Pairing this with weariness and a general feeling of confusion is enough to make you want to let go of any attempts at controlling your life.
3. You suffer from depression or anxiety.
When a stressful event happens, your body is flooded with stress hormones that make you feel on edge, which can cause anxiety. On the other hand, those same chemicals can block your ability to produce good hormones, like dopamine, leading to depression.
4. You might pick up bad habits to cope.
According to a study, children who experience adverse childhood experiences (ACE for short) are twice as likely to pick up smoking and seven times as likely to abuse alcohol. These trends demonstrate a poor ability to cope with their circumstances, as these risky behaviors are often short-term self-soothing tactics. The pain of living with the trauma you have experienced may lead you down a path where you use substances to cope.
5. You feel less safe.
Your sense of safety and trust in the world and people around you are greatly impacted by a traumatic childhood. When a terrible thing happens to you, you understandably fear it will happen again. That fear, coupled with the overproduction of stress hormones, can feel a lot like paranoia. In addition, you may feel that no matter how many precautions you take, there’s always something bad around the corner. Not fun.
6. You may lash out or withdraw.
Anger is a common reaction to trauma. Feeling like what happened to you was unfair or anger towards the person who contributed to your traumatic experience is a common thing to hold onto. However, when you can’t directly attack the circumstance or the person who hurt you, that anger tends to bubble underneath and surface at unexpected times. On the other hand, withdrawing is expected as it prevents you from engaging with circumstances or people who hurt you. Both are latent expressions of pain and will continue to exist until the trauma heals.
7. You have trouble sleeping.
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Sleep dysregulation is another well-documented side effect of trauma. Bad dreams or fear of being vulnerable while you’re not awake to protect yourself might prevent you from getting any shut-eye. The endocrine system also plays a role in this change, as it disturbs the production of sleep hormones when a traumatic event occurs.
8. You’re holding on to grief.
When you go through a traumatic event, you may feel like you’ve lost your sense of innocence or normalcy. Because of that loss, you experience grief and go through the process of mourning your life before the trauma happened. As an adult, coping with the grief of your disrupted childhood can make you feel resentful or broken. It’s not easy to overcome and often requires the help of a mental health professional.
9. You feel like you’ve lost yourself.
Undergoing a traumatic childhood event can leave you feeling like a husk of your prior self. The bright-eyed child is gone, and a callous and broken adult stands in their place. You may struggle with hopelessness and feeling that you have no path forward. However, if you’re feeling lost and alone in your recovery, finding a support group that can inspire you to keep going may benefit you.
10. You become hypervigilant.
Experiencing a horrific event in your childhood can make you feel like there’s danger around every corner. You may judge people more harshly or put up walls to ensure your safety—either way, you will always look for signs of trouble, believing that you can prevent another traumatic thing from happening. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case, and despite trying to prevent a tragedy, the reality remains that you had no control over the bad thing that happened to you. When you begin to accept this and realize it wasn’t your fault, you can be free of the burden of micromanaging yourself and others around you for your safety.
11. You may feel numb.
Have you ever heard of a condition called anhedonia? It limits your body’s ability to feel joy or satisfaction. Unsurprisingly, it’s likely to develop after a traumatic event. So far, psychologists have not identified the exact origin of the condition, however, one theory suggests that the overabsorption of adrenaline and other chemicals released during a traumatic event can leave your brain desensitized and unable to process.
12. You have low self-worth.
Having multiple ACEs in childhood has been linked to poor self-esteem. Negative feelings about yourself crop up because you couldn’t prevent what happened to you or the abuse has made you feel less valuable. Remembering that you are not at fault for the traumatic events of your childhood and that person’s behavior had more to do with their own trauma than anything to do with you can ease these feelings over time.
13. You feel guilt and shame.
Survivor guilt is a real thing. When you survive a car accident or are the only one to make it out of a burning building, you may have the feeling you didn’t deserve it. You might even go so far as to blame yourself for not being more proactive and preventing the loss of others’ lives. The shame you feel for not being able to prevent a tragedy for all parties involved can be hard to swallow. Still, it would be best to remember that one survivor is better than none, and internalizing the tragedy as your fault will only hurt you more.
14. You have trouble in your relationships.
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If you struggle to form connections in adulthood, it could be a sign that you have scars from childhood. Inability to trust and being slow to open up may leave potential friends and partners struggling to connect with you. As an abuse survivor, it is worth connecting with a strong support network, as ultimately, these bonds will be influential factors in your healing process.
15. You may feel chained to your past.
Repeating a traumatic event in your head or getting triggered by a similar situation can make us survivors feel like we’re unable to escape our past. Regardless of how far we get from our childhood, there are still likely to be situations that will send us back several steps in our recovery. Be patient with your process, and know that your past may affect you, but it doesn’t define you.
16. You’re restless.
The inability to sit and relax, feeling restless in social situations, and the desire to constantly move around from place to place can all be signs of a traumatic childhood. Comfort and peace of mind can feel like the enemy when your body is highly on guard following a traumatic event. If you never truly let yourself rest, nothing can take you by surprise as it once did. Be that as it may, not caring for yourself is dangerous, and it’s not a healthy way to cope with your trauma.
17. You have a victim mentality.
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This is by no means a dig to say that you didn’t experience a truly horrible event or events that have not affected your life in a variety of ways. What we mean by “victim mentality” is your attitude about your trauma may not be the most conducive to healing and improving yourself. If you constantly make excuses or blame your trauma for bad behavior, you may be exhibiting the victim mentality. Instead, try focusing on getting the support you need to grow and set your sights on the future.
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