Narcissists are sneaky manipulators — you probably know that by now.
They’ll twist your reality, make you doubt yourself, and try to control you. Gaslighting is one of their go-to tricks, and it’s all about messing with your head. Here are 17 things narcissists say to manipulate you. Learn to spot these red flags so you can protect yourself from their mind games.
1. “You’re being too sensitive.”
When a narcissist says this, they’re brushing off your feelings. They want you to think you’re overreacting so they don’t have to own up to their bad behavior. It’s a way to make you the problem instead of them. Don’t fall for it. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to express them.
2. “That never happened.”
This is flat-out lying to your face, but then again, rewriting history is one of a narcissist’s favorite moves, Psych Central notes. They’re trying to make you question your own memory. Even when you know something happened, they’ll insist it didn’t. It’s crazy-making stuff. Trust your gut and don’t let them rewrite history.
3. “You’re imagining things.”
When they say this, they’re trying to make you think you’re losing it. They’ll act like you’re seeing problems that aren’t there. It’s all about making you doubt yourself so you’ll rely on them more. Stand your ground. If something feels off, it probably is.
4. “I’m only doing this because I love you.”
This is how they justify being controlling or mean. They’ll wrap up their bad behavior in a package of “love” to make you feel guilty for questioning them. Real love doesn’t hurt or control you. Don’t let them use love as an excuse for treating you badly.
5. “You’re the only one who has a problem with me.”
This line is all about making you feel alone. They want you to think everyone else thinks they’re great, so you must be the one with the issue. It’s a trick to isolate you and make you doubt yourself. Remember, your feelings are valid, even if you’re the only one speaking up.
6. “You’re twisting my words.”
When you call them out, they’ll try to flip it on you. They’ll say you’re the one getting it wrong, not them. It’s a sneaky way to avoid taking responsibility and make you back down. Don’t let them muddy the waters. Stick to what you know is true.
7. “I never said that.”
This is straight-up denial. They’ll pretend they never said something, even when you clearly remember it. It’s meant to make you question your memory and sanity. Trust yourself. If you remember it, it probably happened.
8. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This is how they try to shut you down when you bring up something important. They’ll act like you’re overreacting to make you feel silly for even mentioning it. Don’t let them brush off your concerns. If it matters to you, it’s not “nothing.”
9. “You’re the one who needs help.”
When you confront them about their behavior, they might try to turn it around on you. They’ll suggest you’re the one with issues, not them. It’s a dirty trick to make you doubt yourself and take the heat off them. Don’t buy it. Stick to the real problem: their behavior.
10. “You’re just jealous/insecure.”
They use this to make your valid concerns sound petty. By saying you’re jealous or insecure, they’re trying to make you feel small and defensive. Don’t fall for it. Your feelings aren’t about jealousy; they’re about how you’re being treated.
11. “You’re overreacting, just like your mother/father.”
This is a low blow. They’re using your family history against you to push your buttons. It’s meant to make you question yourself and feel bad about your reactions. Don’t let them use your family to manipulate you. Your feelings are your own, and they’re valid.
12. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
According to Psychology Today, this sounds like an apology, but it’s not. They’re just acknowledging your feelings without taking any blame. It’s a way to seem nice without actually saying sorry or changing their behavior. A real apology takes responsibility. Don’t settle for less.
13. “You’re too emotional to discuss this rationally.”
This is how they shut down conversations they don’t like. They’ll paint you as the irrational one so they don’t have to deal with the real issues. Don’t let them dismiss you like this. Having emotions doesn’t make you irrational.
14. “You’re remembering it wrong.”
They’re trying to plant doubt in your mind about what really happened. They might even make up details to support their version of events. Don’t let them gaslight you. If you remember something clearly, stand by it.
15. “You’re lucky to have me.”
This is pure ego talking. They’re trying to make you feel like you should be grateful, no matter how they treat you. It’s meant to lower your self-esteem and keep you from leaving. Remember, you deserve respect and kindness in a relationship. You’re not “lucky” to be mistreated.
16. “You’re making me do this.”
This is how they dodge responsibility for their actions. They’ll blame you for their bad behavior, trying to make you feel guilty. Don’t buy it. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. You’re not making them do anything.
17. “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
This is a manipulation tactic wrapped in a threat. They’re trying to make you feel like you can’t leave them. They might point out your flaws and say only they can love you. It’s all lies. Real love builds you up; it doesn’t tear you down or threaten you.
