You’re going to have your fair share of struggles and challenges to worry about in your relationship. But so many of us spend so much time blowing minor details out of proportion, which just causes unnecessary unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and problems. Here are some examples of things to stop stressing about in your relationship if you want it to stay healthy, enjoyable, and secure.
1. Little issues and disagreements.
While you shouldn’t go looking for conflicts, you need to accept that they happen. And if you’re together long enough, some issues will come up repeatedly—as long as they’re petty and don’t hurt anyone beyond causing minor annoyance, let it go. Learn to pick your battles. Stop losing sleep over your partner pressing the toothpaste tube from the middle or forgetting to turn off the lights when leaving a room.
2. Planning the perfect romantic gestures.
While big gestures have their place in relationships, they’re not the be-all and end-all. Every day doesn’t need to be magical. You don’t have to create the perfect date night each time to make the moments you spend together memorable. There’s beauty and romance in watching a movie together on the couch or buying them a book you think they’d like on your way home. Trying to make every moment iconic or picture-worthy keeps you from savoring the little, casual things.
3. Minor routine or lifestyle changes.
People and routines evolve. Just because you and your partner have done things a certain way for a long time doesn’t mean it has to stay that way forever. You’re allowed to evolve and make adjustments to your routine as your current situation demands and your partner doing the same isn’t a cause for alarm. It’s an invitation to imagine new ways to bond and show up for each other.
4. Your partner’s dating history.
As uncomfortable as the idea might make you, you’ve got to embrace the fact that your partner had a life before you crossed paths. They have exes and they might still be friends with some of them. They probably had sex with other people (and loved it, too). You can’t erase that history and you shouldn’t let yourself get stuck in it. Rather than letting insecurity or jealousy get the better of you, trust that your partner loves you and wants to be with you and that all that history was leading them to you.
5. Personal space and alone time.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you stop being an individual with needs and preferences. Your partner wanting to spend time by themselves or with others doesn’t mean that they’re being selfish or that you’re drifting apart. They deserve their privacy and time to themselves. Respect that.
6. Comparing your progress or journey to others.
Every relationship is different and unfolds at its own pace. Some people get married two weeks after meeting and stay together happily their whole lives. Some wait a decade to get married and the relationship falls apart in a few years. There’s no universal rule when it comes to love, so don’t use other people as a standard for measuring how good, committed, or special your relationship is.
7. How much better it could be.
Holding on to idealistic standards and unrealistic expectations can be a major stressor in relationships. You should both want to do the work to make your relationship as good and fulfilling as possible. Just make sure you don’t get so caught up in the trap of perfection that you stop enjoying how beautiful things are now. Your relationship doesn’t have to be like a page out of a fairy tale to be good, meaningful, and worth it.
8. Having different passions, interests, and hobbies.
It’s fun to have a partner who’s interested in the same things you are, but it doesn’t make the relationship better than that of couples with different interests. Not sharing the same hobbies and passions opens up new conversation topics and allows you to retain your individuality in the relationship. You can still support and take an interest in each other’s hobbies or passions.
9. The hidden meaning behind words or actions.
In new relationships when you’re still learning about the other person and figuring out how to be around each other, it’s normal to read into things and question the intent behind them. But once you’ve been together a while and they’ve given you no reason for suspicion, it’s time to stop overanalyzing and overthinking everything. Take them at their word, choose to interpret their behaviors graciously when they act out of character, and ask for clarity when you’re confused.
10. Attraction to other people.
Relationships don’t render you blind or unable to develop an attraction to anyone other than your partner. You’re going to notice when you come across someone beautiful or charming. Similarly, your partner is not immune to getting a crush or finding someone else attractive. It’s perfectly normal and harmless as long as neither of you is making efforts to pursue those connections. It doesn’t mean you’re cheating, that you love your partner less, or you’re not fully committed to the relationship.
11. Blurting out the wrong thing.
Sooner or later, you’re going to say the wrong thing. It’s the curse of being human. Stressing about always being politically correct or always saying the right thing can be stifling and keep you from communicating honestly and openly. You’re better off just speaking your mind. If and when you say something wrong, admit your error, apologize, and try not to repeat it.
12. What the future holds.
The hard truth is that a lot of the things that may happen in your relationship are largely out of your control, so there’s no point in obsessing over the future. This is not to say that you shouldn’t desire commitment, plan to have kids, or have a sense of the kind of life you’d like to have with your partner. But you’ve got to take it one day at a time and focus on enjoying the relationship, rather than planning a fantasy future. Have conversations from time to time to ensure you and your partner are still on the same page about the future and direction of the relationship.
13. Boredom and fading butterflies.
That intense passion and unbridled attraction you feel for your partner is probably not going to be there all the time. Every day isn’t going to be magic, packed with thrills and wonder. Some days you’ll be bored and you won’t feel butterflies raging in your belly. Most days all the magic you’ll have is in the mundane. Don’t let that send you into worry mode. Sit back and bask in the simple delights of everyday life and keep building deeper levels of intimacy—this is how you’ll keep the spark alive.
14. Making your partner change.
The earlier you accept that you can’t change people unless they’re willing to change, the easier it will be to let go of expectations. You have to accept and love your partner for who they are, not who you wish they could be, or you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If your partner’s negative or annoying traits are harming or stressing you out and you don’t think you can overlook them long-term, it’s time to walk away.
15. Relationships with the opposite sex.
You shouldn’t be having panic sweats or tension headaches because your partner has girl or guy friends. That’s a signal to work on your insecurities and foster more trust in your partner and the strength of your relationship. If you’re with someone you can’t count on to be faithful and set boundaries in their interactions with others, you might need to reevaluate their place in your life.
16. What their family thinks.
There’s always a chance that your partner’s family may not be crazy about you and make their displeasure or disapproval known. If you let yourself dwell on that, you’ll go crazy and run your relationship into the ground trying to change their minds. All that matters is that your partner loves and chooses you every day, the rest is just noise. You can address it if needed, but don’t let it call the shots or influence your happiness.
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