Everyone changes a little in relationships, but if you find yourself changing just to keep your relationship afloat? Then you’re probably compromising your happiness. That’s not worth it (unless you want to be miserable). Here are 16 signs you’re guilty of trying to “fix” who you are so you can maintain your relationship.
1. You can’t remember the last time you expressed your feelings.
Without healthy communication, a relationship can’t survive. If you find it difficult to share your real emotions with your partner, you might be censoring them. Maybe it’s because you’re afraid of facing rejection, your partner dismisses your feelings, or you just don’t want to engage in conflict. Whatever the reason, over time, this lack of open communication erodes trust and intimacy, and takes you away from your authentic self.
2. You’ve become secretive in the relationship.
Maybe you hide your interactions with others or keep your past under lock and key because you’re afraid of upsetting your partner. Or, perhaps you’ve become secretive because your partner is highly critical of you. Whatever the case, this behavior breeds mistrust, which is the foundation of a toxic relationship. If you find yourself withholding information from your partner, it’s a red flag that the relationship is negatively changing you.
3. You put your partner’s needs ahead of your own.
If you’re prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own, it could lead to a relationship imbalance that fosters resentment. Maybe you always feel like you have to listen to your partner moan about their bad day even though you’ve got your own problems. Or, perhaps you feel like you have to do what your partner wants every weekend, instead of focusing on your passions and individuality. You’re shutting down what’s important to you, which means you risk losing yourself.
4. You don’t spend time on your hobbies anymore.
Your personal interests are essential to maintaining a sense of self-fulfillment outside of the relationship. If you’ve thrown them aside because of your relationship, it’s unhealthy. Maybe your partner expresses negativity about your hobbies or you’ve chosen to adopt their interests instead of yours. Either way, you’re changing yourself to accommodate your partner. A healthy relationship should fit into your fabulous life, meanwhile, this relationship is toxic and causing you to make your life smaller and less meaningful.
5. You ignore dating red flags.
When you’re deeply invested in your relationship, you might overlook warning signs that indicate potential incompatibilities. Ignoring red flags can set the stage for larger problems down the road. For example, if you’re dismissing your partner’s controlling or disrespectful behavior, or if you’re accepting their lack of affection. While you might do this to keep the relationship harmonious, accepting behavior you don’t deserve is only hurting yourself.
6. You’re pushing away loved ones.
Healthy relationships thrive on a supportive network of friends and family. Yet, you might find yourself withdrawing from relationships and neglecting those important connections. Whether it’s due to pressure from your partner or a desire to avoid conflict in your relationship, pushing away your loved ones will make you feel disconnected. It also reduces your happiness in life.
7. You’re changing your appearance.
While it’s natural to be influenced by your partner, if you’re making drastic changes to your appearance to align with your partner’s preferences, this is a red flag. Whether it’s changing your hairstyle, clothing, or makeup, you could be trying too hard to change yourself to keep your partner happy. The sad thing is, you’re sacrificing your identity and autonomy.
8. You’re ignoring your intuition.
Tapping into your intuition can help you notice the negatives in your relationship and alert you of potential issues. If you find yourself dismissing feelings of discomfort to maintain the status quo, you’re ignoring your gut feeling. You’re choosing not to trust your instincts and trust us that will only cause bigger problems later.
9. You’re unhappy all the time.
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If you’re feeling miserable around your partner, it’s a sign that you need to make a change. Instead of changing yourself to keep the relationship going, you should be walking away so that you find a more fulfilling connection! Constantly sacrificing your happiness and well-being to maintain this relationship isn’t giving you the results you want. Instead, it’s taking a toll on your mental and emotional health, leaving you stuck in a toxic situation.
10. You ignore your opinions to keep the peace.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable to share their opinions, even if they disagree. If you’re always the one suppressing your opinions so that you don’t cause a fight, it can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment. You might assume it’s better to avoid expressing what you really think and therefore conflict, but at what cost? Without the exchange of differing ideas, the relationship can become stagnant.
11. You walk on eggshells.
You might be changing yourself without even realizing it if your partner is unpredictable or prone to emotional outbursts. For example, maybe you avoid talking about sensitive topics so as not to set off your partner’s rage, or you remain silent during your partner’s hour-long venting so you don’t make it worse. Living in a state of constant tension and fear prevents open communication and makes you feel stressed all the time. It also causes an unhealthy dynamic in which your partner’s autonomy and emotions are prioritized over yours.
12. Your friends say you’ve changed.
Your loved ones can provide valuable insight into your relationships, like noticing when you’ve changed your demeanor or behavior. If multiple people in your life have expressed observations and concerns about changes in your mood, personality, or priorities since entering a relationship, it’s worth reflecting on them. While personal growth is natural, significant changes that compromise your well-being and authenticity are toxic.
13. You turn down opportunities to keep your partner happy.
Although your relationship should be a priority in your life, you should never compromise your happiness in other areas. Your partner might want to spend every waking moment with you, but this is unhealthy. You need to have a meaningful life and individual goals outside of your relationship. Passing up career opportunities or social engagements because you feel you need to make your partner number one can lead to a ton of regrets. If your partner’s worth your time and energy, they’ll want you to be happy and successful.
14. You never talk about your problems.
If you find yourself avoiding discussions about problems in your relationship, it not only prevents resolution but can also create emotional distance between you and your partner. Maybe you do this because your partner lacks empathy and shuts down or dismisses your stress, which makes you silence yourself. The risk is that you never get the emotional support you need.
15. You’re excusing their behavior.
Excusing your partner’s problematic behavior can perpetuate a cycle of dysfunction in your relationship. Maybe you lie about your partner’s faults to loved ones so they don’t view your relationship negatively. Or, you pretend that your relationship is wonderful when it’s not. Ignoring your relationship flaws means you’re settling for a relationship that doesn’t make you feel good. It also means you’re not holding your partner accountable for their bad behavior, resulting in a relationship built on a lack of respect.
16. You downplay your achievements.
Downplaying your success to avoid overshadowing your partner’s achievements can reduce your self-worth and derail your confidence. While it’s natural to celebrate your partner’s achievements, it’s just as important to feel like you can pop the champagne when you’ve succeeded at a goal. If you have to minimize your success, it reveals a lack of support in your relationship. It clearly isn’t grounded in respect or equality.
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