It’s not always possible to completely detach from other people’s drama. What if the dramatic person is your sister, parent, or best friend? You might want to nurture the relationship, while still protecting yourself from the shrapnel of their latest emotional outburst or drama-filled situation. You can. Here are 16 healthy ways to detach from drama so it doesn’t bring you down.
1. Protect yourself with boundaries.
If you don’t set boundaries with the person in your life who’s always dragging you into their drama, you will deplete your energy and resources. An example of a boundary is saying “no” to some of their requests for help when you’re swimming in your own stressful situation.
2. Have a positive mantra.
Other people’s drama can get to you, so you have to keep a cool head. Having a few useful mantras up your sleeve to remind you of your boundaries can help. An example is, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Try it out!
3. Don’t give unsolicited advice.
You might think you have to rush in and help your friend or cousin who always needs it, but you’re not enabling them to stand on their own two feet. You should avoid giving them unsolicited advice because the more they don’t take it, the more insulted you’ll feel—you don’t need that negative spiral.
4. Choose a peaceful sanctuary.
If you can’t avoid dealing with this person, like if they’re your boss, it can be tiring. It’s good to have a peaceful sanctuary, whether physical or emotional, to help you recharge your spirit at the end of the day. This could include filling a room in your home with soft fabrics, soothing flowering plants, and candles. Or, it might be doing daily meditation to maintain your inner peace.
5. Avoid venting to other people.
After dealing with this person’s drama, you might quickly rush to a different friend and vent to them for the next hour about that person’s drama. Avoid doing this as it just brings more drama into your life! Now you’ve gone from being a victim of drama to creating it, and you don’t want that.
6. Accept that the person won’t change.
If you’re dealing with a dramatic person who has a victim mindset, it’s worth understanding that you can’t change them. They’re just going to suck you into their negative whirlpool, so avoid trying to change their behavior. Love them from a distance. Put them on “silent” sometimes so you don’t have to get caught up in the dizzying spin.
7. Follow the 15-minute rule.
You don’t have to remain stuck in the dramatic person’s bubble where stress affects you. Find ways to get away from the situation for 15-minute breaks. Go for a walk, spend time with a friend who always makes you laugh, or listen to feel-good music.
8. Get support.
It’s taxing to be around someone who’s dramatic, so make sure you carve out some time in your life for quality hangs with people who uplift you and bring serenity into your life.
9. Show some empathy.
Someone who’s dealing with drama has issues to deal with. Now’s not the time to judge them. Show them some empathy. Put yourself in their shoes to see the situation from their perspective and offer help when you can.
10. But, don’t engage with too much empathy.
Although you want to be a good friend or family member by listening to others and acknowledging their feelings, you don’t want to be too empathetic. If you can sense that you’re feeling the other person’s stress or drama too intensely, and it’s negatively impacting your life or increasing your stress level, you’re hyper-empathetic and need some healthy boundaries.
11. Don’t be too available.
You can’t always give the dramatic person your attention if they’re always negative or desperate for attention. It’s not good for you. So, stop making yourself too available to them. Setting some restrictions on your time with them can be helpful to ensure you don’t deplete yourself.
12. Don’t say “yes” to all their requests.
Someone who’s dramatic might always want you to be there for them. Although you might feel guilty for saying “no” when they need yet another favor, don’t allow yourself to be guilted into helping them. You can’t save the world. You can only do your best, but not to the extent of neglecting your needs.
13. Stay calm, instead of getting sucked in.
Dealing with someone who’s dramatic can make you lose your temper with them after a while. This will just cause conflict and increase the drama of the situation, so don’t go there. Stay calm and remember that you don’t have to be sucked in—that’s what the person wants.
14. Don’t react to what they say or do.
Another good way to stay calm instead of reacting emotionally is to avoid responding to the drama. So, if they call you to dish the latest gossip, tell them that you don’t want to talk about other people. Or, if they call you screaming because they don’t have a ride to the airport, don’t cancel your doctor’s appointment to help them. If you need to think before responding, tell them you’ll get back to them.
15. Create a new routine.
To maintain your boundaries, you should set a new routine with this person. Don’t hang out as regularly as you used to before, or don’t answer their calls on days when you’re worried about taking on their stress because they always trigger you. Enjoy the parts of your friendship that feel good and bring value to your life.
16. Focus on your life.
Sometimes, you might be trying to solve other people’s problems because you’re escaping from your own life’s issues. If this rings true, spend more time focusing on your needs, relationships, and aspirations. Don’t let someone else’s drama derail you from living your life.
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