Are you the friend who always tries to outshine others? Do your loved ones say you always turn everything into a competition? While you might not think you’re overly competitive (ahem), your intense need to win might be alienating everyone around you, like in these 15 ways.
1. You use loved ones as a measuring stick for success.
Maybe you frequently compare yourself to others, trying to measure your success according to what they’ve achieved. If they appear to be more successful than you, you might feel inferior. On the other hand, if you feel you’re doing better than them, this might boost your self-worth. Your friends might notice that you become depressed when they succeed or that you feel more confident when they’re down in the dumps, which can put strain on your relationships. They might think you’re more focused on competing than connecting.
2. You struggle to celebrate others’ success.
When your sister tells you she’s starting her own business or your friend gets engaged, do you struggle to pop the champagne and throw them a celebratory party? Maybe you struggle to have positive reactions to their news because you feel threatened or envious. Well, it’s causing a negative vibe around your loved ones! They might feel like you don’t support them when they succeed and that you’re undermining their success.
3. You take credit for others’ good work.
You might not think it’s so bad to copy a friend’s idea and use it as your own, but it is. While this might not seem like a big deal to you, it can make others feel like you’re trying to steal the spotlight from them in a malicious or self-serving way. They’ll doubt that you have their best interests at heart and find it hard to trust you moving forward.
4. You put others down.
If you feel inferior to others, you might belittle them to make yourself feel better. Although you claim that you’re “just joking,” your behavior can be hurtful. For example, maybe you give a friend a backhanded compliment when they achieve career success, like, “Wow, good job on the promotion—I never thought you had such a strong work ethic!” The only thing this comment does it leave the other person feeling attacked and put down.
5. You avoid teamwork.
If you’re always trying to compete with others and feel superior to them, you might prefer working on your own. This allows you to have more control over situations, while not having to share recognition with anyone. But, it’s also self-isolating. It can make others feel like you’re not collaborative or assume that you think you’re better than them, which can create a lot of tension.
6. You lose your cool when you face a setback.
If you react strongly to losing, whether it’s during a playful game of tennis or when you feel overlooked for a promotion, this shows people that you lack emotional regulation. Being so obsessed with winning—to the point that you’re angry or resentful when things don’t go according to plan—can put a bad taste in other peoples’ mouths.
7. You can’t accept feedback.
When someone gives you constructive feedback, you take it personally instead of seeing it as a chance to improve. As a knee-jerk reaction, you might become defensive or try to divert attention to their flaws. Your relationships can become insincere where everyone only gives you positive feedback, out of fear of being attacked!
8. You try to one-up others.
If a friend tells you about their amazing spa day, do you quickly share how much better your spiritual retreat was? Or, if your partner tells you that they got a raise at work, do you mention the time you got a big raise? If you’re always trying to boast about your success to outshine others, it can make them shut down. They’re not going to want to share anything with you if you’re always making it about yourself.
9. You sabotage others.
If you obsess about being the best at everything, this could make you indulge in harmful behaviors when you don’t get your way. Perhaps you try to sabotage others by spreading nasty rumors about them or questioning their ability to undermine them. Other people might feel like you’re toxic because instead of supporting them, you’re actively working to bring them down.
10. You lack genuine empathy.
Using times when someone’s feeling down as opportunities to feel better about yourself, is really disrespectful. Maybe you ask your sister questions about their recent fight with their partner to get some gossip instead of supporting them. Or, maybe you ask about your friend’s recent job loss so you can feel better about your career. They’ll notice the glint in your eye at their sadness, which shows them you only care about your feelings. It’s selfish!
11. You avoid delegating tasks to others.
In the workplace, you might try to dominate group projects and take on leadership roles instead of letting other people take the reins. When you are forced to work with others, you don’t consider their input because you think you know better. This type of behavior can cause resentment in your co-workers and make them feel like you’re preventing their growth and creativity.
12. You refuse to admit your mistakes and blame others instead.
It’s frustrating for others if you never take accountability for things you’ve done wrong. Instead of facing your mistakes head-on and improving yourself, you blame others in an attempt to look like you’re “winning.” It’s emotionally immature behavior that pushes people away and breaks trust in your relationships.
13. You turn relaxing activities into a competition.
When you attend activities with loved ones, such as playing golf or kickboxing, you might focus on being victorious while everyone else is looking to have some much-needed chill time. The misalignment in priorities could cause a major clash—you pushing hard to win while everyone around you is uncomfortable. Your loved ones might even stop spending time with you because they can’t relax and have fun in your company.
14. You avoid talking about your mistakes, preventing an emotional connection.
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You might feel the pressure to succeed and seem like you have everything together. This could cause you to hide your pain and mistakes from others because you’re afraid of being judged or perceived negatively. The danger of doing this is that people who care about you might not feel like they can emotionally connect, which makes your relationship inauthentic.
15. You focus on achieving and flaunting your status.
If you’re highly competitive, you might strive to be the best in every situation. This could mean that you focus on having status and displaying your success, like going to a friend’s birthday party in a flashy sports car or showing off your latest beach house. You might be doing this because you crave other people’s approval and recognition, which can make you come across as an attention seeker or braggart.
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