Toxic relationships are bad for your health and leave you feeling miserable. They have a negative ripple effect throughout your life, bringing you down and damaging your self-worth. Although you know it’s time to cut the cord and free yourself from toxic people, it’s not always easy. Here are 15 tips to help you take the leap.
1. Start keeping a journal about your feelings.
It’s easy to doubt whether or not you should walk away from a relationship, especially if your partner’s been gaslighting you. You might be dealing with someone who makes you doubt your very valid thoughts and feelings—it’s confusing! Keeping a daily journal where you jot down your feelings is useful because it allows you to reflect and see the situation with clear eyes.
2. Build your confidence.
A toxic relationship can kick down your confidence. Start building it up now before you take the big step of walking away, as it will prevent you from contacting the person again when you’re having a low day. To boost your confidence, start doing positive affirmations every morning so you remember your worth. It’s also good to chat with friends who know your worth and can remind you of it.
3. Consider your doubtful thoughts.
When you make the decision to break free from a toxic relationship, it’s natural to doubt yourself. Let those doubts come to the surface so you can deal with them. Instead of chasing them away, challenge their negativity, like if you’re always telling yourself that you’re going to regret your decision to leave. Question those thoughts to gain some perspective. It’s also useful to chase that negative self-talk with something positive, which brings us to the next point!
4. Focus on the benefits of leaving.
In your heart, you know that the relationship has been bringing you down and ruining your life. Now’s the time to focus on the positive things you stand to gain from leaving it. Make a list so that you can refer to it again. Maybe leaving will enable you to be free to do whatever you want or it’ll drastically reduce your stress levels. Perhaps it’ll give you time to prioritize your needs and wants instead of someone else’s.
5. Confide in a trusted friend.
You shouldn’t try to leave a toxic relationship alone. Having support in the form of a trusted friend (or friends) whom you can confide in and lean on when you’re doubting yourself is invaluable. Choose loved ones who know the ins and outs of your relationship and have your best interests at heart. Reach out to them when you’re feeling anxious or negative, they’ll help to remind you that you’re not alone.
6. Show yourself some love.
Toxic relationships can cause you to neglect your needs, so now’s the time to engage in self-care. You can do this in small ways, such as by doing activities that make you happy and allowing yourself to feel the rollercoaster of emotions without judging yourself. Take time to walk through nature while meditating on your thoughts or journal about the positive changes you want to make in your life to boost your confidence.
7. Start saying “no” more often.
It’s not always easy to end a toxic relationship overnight, but that’s where boundaries come in. Start saying “no” to the person’s demands (you can start small!) more often so you can focus on what you need to be happy. This will help you break the unhealthy habit of giving so much of yourself to others and make it easier to eventually leave.
8. Become more independent.
It can help you to start exerting your independence in the relationship before you leave it. Reach out to your support system, reconnect with loved ones, and do activities alone that remind you of the happiness you experienced before this person entered your life. You were happy then and you can find it again! The more time you spend outside of the relationship, the more you’ll realize that happiness is there for the taking.
9. Remove your rose-tinted glasses.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking of all the good things about your relationship. When you imagine leaving it behind, these nostalgic thoughts might jump in and mess with your confidence. To deal with the nostalgia, focus on the bad things that happened to make you want to leave. It’s easy to forget those, so write them on a Post-it and stick it on your fridge where you can see it every day. Then, draw up a list of what you deserve from your partner that you never got, whether that be kindness or support. This will remind you to focus on the reality of the situation and why moving on is the better choice.
10. Take a relationship break.
Jumping out of a relationship can be difficult. Sometimes, you have to ease your way out of it so you can get used to not having it in your life. It can therefore be helpful to take a relationship break, which gives you emotional and physical distance from the toxic person so you can clearly see all that’s wrong with the relationship. It’s like a trial run where you get to experiment with a new chapter of your life. Try to fill the time with happy experiences that make you feel amped about the future.
11. Create a new routine for yourself.
One of the things that you might struggle with is feeling empty or lost without the relationship in your life. Combat this by creating a new healthy routine. Maybe that involves starting your day with a run or a meditation session or going out with loved ones for dinner every night. By setting new habits, you’ll see those empty spaces in your life in a positive way.
12. Consider therapy.
Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t always easy, and it can feel more complicated if you have kids with the person or they’re abusive. You shouldn’t have to struggle alone. Consult a qualified and licensed therapist who can help you healthily deal with the relationship issues. They’ll give you the tools you need to pave a way forward without the person and boost your self-worth.
13. Plan your breakup day.
If you’re struggling to end things, it can help to plan ahead for the breakup so it’s not a spontaneous and scary event. Think about when you’ll break up and what you’ll say to the toxic person. Role-play it with a friend so you feel less anxious. You could also ask a friend to help you move your stuff out of the apartment you share with the toxic person, or organize your breakup day around activities that prevent you from being alone, such as meeting friends for dinner afterward.
14. Make a clean break!
When you end things with the person, it’s helpful to make a clean break. Although this is difficult, it will prevent you from second-guessing your decision or allowing them to reel you back into the relationship. To cut off all contact, block them on social media and delete their number. When they’re out of sight, you’ll find it easier to move on.
15. Remember why you’re doing this.
You might feel anxious or scared about walking away from the toxic relationship. It’s normal to feel a lot of different emotions, but this doesn’t mean that you have to go back to it. Understand that mixed feelings are going to be a part of the process for a while, but ride the wave. Let your feelings surface and work through them. Let yourself cry, but then distract yourself for a bit, whether by reading a good book or laughing at a comedy show. Once you’ve gained a bit of distance from the relationship, the emotional highs and lows will become less extreme.Â
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