Unlike women, men tend to have a much harder time opening up and confronting their emotions due to social stigma and the lack of vulnerability they may feel in their relationships.
If you’re concerned you might avoid your own negative emotions or perhaps your partner is, these are 15 common ways men tend to hide and cope with their uncomfortable feelings.
1. They talk about everything and everyone but themselves.
You know when you’re talking to a man, and they seem to want to talk about everything and everyone but their personal feelings? This is called displacement and is a massive sign that a man doesn’t want to deal with their negative emotions or address them. You might ask him how he’s feeling, and he will quickly move to the next topic.
2. They brush over uncomfortable feelings with humor.
We all do it, not just men, I’m guilty for sure. Using jokes and humor to brush over our uncomfortable feelings is something I was taught from a young age, but men seem to banter more with their mates. In a public situation, if a man brings up something too emotional, he could be mocked or laughed at, so most men develop humor around their negative emotions as a way to protect themselves, rather than revealing their vulnerabilities.
3. They distract themselves with other activities.
©iStock/RgStudioGoing out to watch football, gaming for hours on end, or partying too much can all be ways to avoid confronting your dark emotions. These temporary pleasures help men distract themselves from what they are truly feeling and remove themselves from the situation.
4. They isolate themselves from others.
If you’ve noticed your partner isn’t home as much or locked in their office for longer than normal, they could be isolating themselves as a way of dealing with their feelings. Isolation is a way for many men to cope since they don’t have to show their true emotions in public.
5. They engage in toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity isn’t just the good old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” it’s when the person fails to acknowledge any of their negative emotions and only focuses on positivity as a solution. Not recognizing and avoiding their negative emotions means they just get built up inside which could potentially make matters worse.
6. All they want are solutions, solutions, and solutions.
Men are natural fixers, and so they focus on solutions to their problems. This means that they often struggle to understand the benefits of lending a listening ear and providing emotional support to others. Although being solution-based is excellent, not every negative emotion can be solved without talking through it.
7. They have a fixation on other people’s problems.
By focusing on others and trying to fix their problems, men end up not having to address their own. This can give them a hit of dopamine and satisfaction by helping others, but by avoiding their problems, their mental health will suffer.
8. They aren’t opening up and avoid conversations.
In other words: Denial. You may ask your loved one how they are feeling, and they will simply pretend as if their negative feelings don’t exist or try to steer the conversation away from the subject. Men tend to do this more since there’s a lot of societal pressure they were brought up with, like always having to be the “strong one.”
9. They use alcohol to numb their feelings.
Binge drinking or having a drink every time they are stressed is a big sign they’re neglecting the issue at hand. This helps men numb their feelings and relax by slowing down their central nervous system, rather than addressing the negative feelings. If they’re not careful, this can lead to an alcohol addiction in the long term.
10. They’re perpetually busy.
Noticing that your man’s schedule is here, there, and everywhere? Well, they could be filling their schedule overtime on purpose to keep themselves busy and away from their thoughts. While a productive coping mechanism, things will eventually catch up when it leads to burnout.
11. They make other problems seem bigger.
When a man starts making a massive deal out of other small trivial problems, you can be sure he is trying to avoid his issues. Once again, we see the solution defense mechanism at play here: fixing others’ problems rather than his own, makes him feel better.
12. They withdraw from situations.
Maybe a man is having negative emotions about their weight or even a dog passing, the source could be anything. But, if you’ve noticed they stopped going to the gym or haven’t been stepping out on their daily walks, they could be withdrawing from the situation to avoid stirring up any negative emotions.
13. They get angry at small situations.
Unexplained angry outbursts may be a sign that a man is dealing with emotional suppression of his negative feelings. By projecting them onto smaller issues and overreacting, it shows he is trying to cope with and release his feelings, albeit not in the best way.
14. They disconnect from others.
Notice your man isn’t hanging out with his friends as much or isn’t present when you spend time with him? He may be disconnecting with others and dissociating himself as a way to protect himself. If he is trying to numb his feelings, he may also find it difficult to be able to socialize with others.
15. They socialize 24/7.
On the contrary, a man who is constantly socializing 24/7, going out all the time, and hanging with his friends can also be protecting himself to avoid being alone and sitting with his feelings. These temporary pleasures will eventually lead to burnout in the end.
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