Relationships should be based on trust, but if you’re with someone who’s trying to dominate you or tell you how to live your life, you’re not in a healthy one. A controlling partner doesn’t trust you and might be so insecure or jealous that they bring you down. Don’t let that happen to you. Here are 15 red flags that you’re with a controlling person and need to get out.
1. Your Partner Says You’re Their Whole Life.
While it feels romantic to be the person’s entire universe, it’s actually creepy. They’re going to revolve their entire well-being and life around you, which can easily result in controlling behavior. Why? They’ll expect you to make them your number one and totally neglect every other aspect of and person in your life. Yikes.
2. Your Partner Masks Their Controlling Behavior With Concern.
Although your partner’s controlling, they might be sneaky about it. So, they’ll tell you they just want to know where you’re going to be with your besties so that if there’s an emergency they can help you. It’s sweet, right? Maybe not. They could be doing this to get permission to monitor your whereabouts.
3. Your Partner Guilt-Trips You For Wanting Privacy.
You should never feel like you have to hand over your privacy to your partner—that makes for an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. But, a partner with controlling tendencies will try to make you feel guilty for not sharing your Meta password or not showing them the texts you’ve sent a friend.
4. Your Partner Makes You Feel Guilty For Having Friends.
When a partner manipulates you to try to make you feel guilty, on some level this could start to mess with your head. You might, for example, feel bad when you choose to spend time with family or friends instead of with your partner, even if you’re with your partner most of the time. Soon, you might isolate yourself to focus on your relationship and forget about everyone else. Danger zone.
5. Your Partner Accuses You Of Things You Haven’t Done.
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A controlling person is highly suspicious. So, your partner might ask you questions about where you were on Friday night (even though you already told them) or if you’re cheating with your new platonic friend. These questions feel like accusations, as though they’ve already decided that you did something to hurt them.
6. Your Partner Tries To Surreptitiously Snoop.Â
While you might not have caught your partner looking through your phone, you may notice how they try to see what’s on it in a secretive way. For example, they might sit next to you on the couch so they can catch a glimpse of your screen when you’re texting your friend.
7. Your Partner Sulks When You’re Busy.
You’ve got a healthy life going, from your social circle to your job. So, you don’t need a partner to act like a toddler when they can’t see you. Be wary of someone who gets angry or moody when you can’t spend time with them because you’re legit busy. If they don’t care about the rest of your life, they don’t care about you.
8. Your Partner Never Lets You Choose The Movie.
How your partner deals with little decisions tells you a lot about them. If they never let you choose what movie you watch together or where you go on vacation, it’s a red flag. They should be willing to compromise, but clearly, they’re only concerned about their happiness.
9. Your Partner Criticizes What You Do Or Like.
You shouldn’t be with someone who belittles you for having certain opinions. That’s your right and they should respect it! So, when you say that you’d love a creative side hustle or you love wearing bright colors, and they find something wrong with it, it’s a red flag.
10. Your Partner Compares You To Others.
This might be a surprising sign of a controlling partner, but it’s how they try to change you. When they compare you to others, putting you down in the process, it’s a huge red flag that sends the message you’re not enough. For example, if they say, “Why can’t you be like your friend Sarah? She’s so fun!” or “My ex used to love my job, so I don’t know why you don’t,” they’re not appreciating you for who you are.
11. Your Partner Is Glued To Their Watch.
When dating someone controlling, you might feel like you’re always being monitored. So, when you get home from the grocery store or from visiting your parents, your partner will whip out their watch and say, “You were 20 minutes late. Where were you?” Yikes.
12. Your Partner Shows Up To Your Work.
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It might seem sweet when your partner visits you at the office, bringing you a Starbucks coffee and croissant. It’s not sweet, however, when they do it too much, especially when they know you’re busy. It’s like they’re trying to check up on you because they don’t trust you.
13. Your Partner Makes You Work For Their Affection.
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You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to change to get your partner’s love. A controlling partner, however, will try to make you feel that you have to work hard for their attention and affection, as it’s part of their manipulative strategy. So, they might say something like, “I’d find you so much more attractive if you got a different hairstyle/lost weight/dressed differently.” It’s so cruel.
14. Your Partner Throws Good Deeds In Your Face.
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If your partner wants you to do what they say, they might try to guilt you into obliging by mentioning how they recently gave you an amazing gift or did something nice for you. They hold their niceness over your head to make you feel bad or like you’re not good enough for them.
15. Your Partner Teases You, But It’s Not Funny.
When your partner makes nasty comments but hides them under layers of humor, that can be a subtle form of emotional abuse. When you get mad at them, they’ll say, “But it was a joke, lighten up!’ and that just makes you feel worse. They’re dismissing your feelings, which adds insult to injury.
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