While it’s normal to worry about your relationship from time to time, overthinkers are bombarded with repetitive thoughts about the same issues or fears. This can stress them out and destroy their relationships in various ways. If you’re guilty of making these 15 mistakes, it’s time to break the negative pattern!
1. They don’t appreciate the present moment.
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Instead of enjoying what’s happening in their relationship right now, overthinkers ruin the moment by ruminating over the past or stressing about the future. They might be consumed by “what if?” scenarios, such as what if their partner cheats on them, instead of appreciating the positives about their relationship. Although they might keep their worries to themselves, their partner will sense their negative or distracted vibe, which can cause an emotional distance in the relationship.
2. They take forever to reply to messages.
When they receive a text from their crush or partner, an overthinker will spend so much time crafting the perfect message that they only send it hours later, missing an opportunity to bond with the person. Their texts might seem too practiced and robotic, which prevents them from being spontaneous or injecting personality into their messages.
3. Â They create fake scenarios in their mind.
When thinking too much about their situation and worrying about the future, overthinkers might create hypothetical scenarios in their mind. If their partner’s out with their mates, they’ll think he or she is meeting someone new. If their partner asks for alone time, they’ll assume a breakup is about to strike. Living in their negative thoughts can put them in a bad mood and cause them to scrutinize their partner for any negative signs or red flags, even if they don’t exist! This prevents them from seeing the reality of the situation.
4. They seek lots of reassurance from their partner.
Since they’re always overthinking every situation, they might want their partner to reassure them about their feelings and to help them remove any doubts they’re having. Over time, this could cause their partner to feel drained because they’re always having to tell them that everything’s fine.
5. They overanalyze every communication.
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When their partner sends them a text or voice note, they’ll scrutinize it for clues about what their partner is really thinking or feeling. This can make them go around in circles, causing them to look into things too much. During face-to-face communication, they might nitpick everything their partner says, which can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings and arguments.
6. They accuse their partner of things they haven’t done.
Since overthinkers invent hypothetical scenarios, their negative thoughts can escalate quickly. So, if their partner doesn’t respond to their text within a few hours, they’ll jump to conclusions, like thinking that their partner doesn’t like them anymore. Overthinkers might be brazen enough to confront their partner about their suspicions, which can make their partners feel like they’re walking on eggshells.
7. They become people pleasers.
When an overthinker is consumed by fears and doubts, they might believe that if they do everything to keep their partner happy, they’ll avoid a breakup. Because of that belief, they’ll often become a people pleaser to satisfy their partner’s every relationship need. The danger of doing this is that it’s not authentic behavior and it’s impossible to bond with someone who isn’t honest.
8. They lose their chill.
One of the worst things about overthinking relationships is that it turns people into a human stress ball. Let’s say one partner was mellow and chilled at the start of a relationship and this is what their significant other liked so much about them. But now, the overthinking has traded the mellow and chill vibe for a depressed, anxious, and accusatory vibe, which can push their partner away.
9. They engage in all-or-nothing thinking.
Since they’re constantly searching for clues about their partner’s feelings, they might exaggerate both negative and positive signs. This can lead to unrealistic assumptions. For example, if their partner invites them out, they might think, “Oh, they like me!” But if their partner takes a rain-check on a date, they might think, “They’re going to dump me!” This can cause them to swing from one assumption to another, instead of giving the relationship a chance to develop naturally.
10. They’re scared to be themselves.
When one overthinks their choices in a relationship because they’re scared of making a wrong move, this can cause a lot of inauthenticity. Instead of going with the flow and doing what feels right for them, they might be so scared of rejection that they tiptoe around the relationship, second-guessing everything and acting not like themselves. It’s exhausting!
11. They let their friends manage their relationship.
If someone is riddled with stressful thoughts about their relationship, they might find it difficult to trust their own judgment or intuition. To deal with this, they might reach out to their friends for relationship advice, which isn’t always the best thing for them and their situation. It’s like they’re handing over their power and letting others determine their future.
12. They’re too quick to apologize for things.
Since they’re so hard on themselves about what they say or do, out of fear of pushing their partner away, an overthinker might fall into the trap of apologizing for everything. This can become a negative habit if they apologize even when they haven’t done anything wrong. They have a deep fear of being misunderstood or rejected, and it can be annoying for a partner to deal with.
13. They make themselves physically sick.
If they’re always obsessing about their relationship, this can lead to anxiety and stress, both of which have a physical impact on the body. They might experience stomach discomfort, headaches, and a racing heart, which makes it difficult for them to enjoy the relationship and meaningfully connect with their partner. Their physical symptoms might make them start to associate negativity with the relationship, even if this isn’t the case.
14. They get stuck in their head instead of communicating.
The more someone overthinks things, the more they feel like they’re caught in a dark rut, expecting the worst from their partner. Instead of doing this, it’s healthier to open up to their partner and speak about what’s on their mind. This can help to remove doubt and prevent relationship misunderstandings that cause a rift.
15. They stay in unhealthy relationships.
Some overthinkers are so afraid of being hurt that they’ll stay in toxic relationships. They obsess about a relationship to the point of “analysis paralysis”, which is when they analyze the relationship so much that they can’t decide what to do with the information they gather. Even if the relationship is riddled with red flags, they might struggle to walk away from it, which is intensified by feelings of low self-esteem that keep them stuck.
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